hetalia | [scanlation] POST-RELEASE INTERVIEW

But it has four legs and it is not a table. I know how your food system works! You don't need to be so modest. Most of your cooking tastes very nice regardless, and if we cook it properly the chemicals should evaporate in the heat. *blithely goes on seasoning Shinatty-chan*

*is almost caught by that double back-handed chinese-cooking compliment-insult combo but latches on to THE FACTS!*

SHINATTY-CHAN HAS TWO LEGS! *throws your seasoning... why is it glowing? ... back in your face*

Shinatty-chan must be an exceptional specimen. There are dogs that can walk on two legs, after all.

*brushes it from his face. Yao was right, the neon-colored sprinkles are probably too much. Ivan sets about preparing a garnish for Shinatty-chan*

Shinatty-chan is not a dog either! He is a man... sort of. Now a delicious smelling man... but still unfit for consumption! Have some recalled chocolate instead - I have so much!

*I fail to see how opening several bottles of Vodka counts as a 'preparing a garnish' you drunk*

*looks at the quivering Chinese guy in the cat suit and wife beater as if he's seeing him for the first time* Is that so?

...

No sweets before the main course! I'll have you know that a good alcohol complements a wide variety of meats. *opens some more bottles* Do you prefer a dry wine, or something more fruity?

...dry. Wait... MEATS!? For the LAST TIME, you are NOT EATING SHINATTY-CHAN! Can't you be normal and have the penis hot pot instead? What wine complements a boiled Russian dog penis?

*frowns* Perhaps one of your penis wines (http://sanlowalan3minibot.virtualave.net/ViagraOfTheEast.html)? If you are forbidden from eating Shinatty, you should have told me. That being said, you should not be forcing your dietary restrictions on innocent bystanders. Viet and I are your hosts!

*is chastened! sips his three-penis wine (OHGODWHAT) moodily, muttering*

...my wok... and my Shinatty-chan... I won't give up...*hic*

*laughs at Yao's terrible alcohol tolerance* So you will not eat Shinatty, but you will drink wine that you cannot hold. Your eating habits are most curious.

Now, then. I can't keep my guest waiting, can I? *pushes Shinatty-chan into the wok*

*glares at Ivan blearily* ....you don't know me... *hic* aru.... I won't give up... *sudden, dramatic drunken wailing* Japaaaan... why did you do that, aru? You've changed *hic* Japan... Whyyyyy?

*is totally sobbing into the ends of your scarf*

Don't worry so much about it. You will definitely become friends again after you become one with me... *adds oil to the wok*

If you blow your nose in it I'll gut you.

...stop hitting on me... *pulls on the scarf looking for more dry areas, having made the ends wet with woe*

JAPAA -HAAAN -HAAAN! ...he used to be so nice you kn-...well no... he was quite rude... but he was very cute... sort of.... BUT NOW HE'S A MEAN PERVERT! WHYYY HYY HYYY!

*yanks, pulls, blows nose*

*choked!*

STOP! STOP PULLING! LOOK, YOUR SHINATTY-CHAN IS GETTING AWAY!

*Shinatty-chan scuttles hastily to freedom, dripping a wonderfully-scented trail of seasoning and marinades*

SHINATTY-CHAN HAS LEFT ME TOO!?

*Clutching the surprisingly absorbent scarf desperately with a 'squelch' Yao bawls inconsolably with renewed Vigor and Despair TM!*

L-let go! He will definitely come back to you!

*Ivan grasps at his neck, trying to loosen the scarf in any way possible. The Despair is infectious; unfortunately, the Vigor is not and Ivan starts to feel a little dizzy*

....ONLY IF I AM ONE WITH RUSSIA! AND I... THAT IS... *jerks the scarf suddenly, sniffling the most wretched sniffles in the whole wide world* ...THAT IS JUST SCARY, ARU!

I'm only stating the inevitable--nnnNNNK! *rasps* Stop...stop...

I do not like talking about such scary inebitil- inenvia- inevverab- things. *lets the scarf go... and on impulse, boots Ivan in the ass, collapsing into a round of drunken giggles*

*gasps for air* What I find scary is the number of times you've tried to kill me. Not even America-kun has done it so often...

*Ivan unwinds the damp scarf and throws it at the giggling mess on the floor* Here, it's yours now. I don't want it back.

*waves hand dismissively* It is scary how you keep surviving. Damn social imperialist.

*scarf lands on his head and he looks at it in wonder?/horror? for a few moments* ...You can take this off!?

*irritably* Of course. It is just like any other article of clothing. *Miraculously, he still has a long, billowing piece of cloth wrapped around his neck -- it would appear that Ivan sometimes wears more than one scarf at a time*

If you're clear-headed enough to make retorts, then you aren't as smashed as I thought you were...why don't you go clean yourself up?

A-Ha! I knew you could not be without a scarf for very long... structurally integral... load bearing... Your head will probably fall off if you do~

*gets to his feet, wobbling* Oh yes, I must get cleaned up for the dinner party... but first, an impression! *flicks the damp scarf around his own neck and waves his three-penis-wine around violently* I like stolen German plumbing and stalking Baltic states! Raarrrrgh!

Who am I? Go on... guess.

You are yourself, drunk out of your mind. *Ivan plucks the wine bottle from Yao's grasp and maneuvers him towards a conveniently located bathroom, being careful not to touch the dirty scarf* I think you are in no condition to be going to any party right now, so let's fix that.

*frowns* No... I was Russia. *whispers conspiratorially* The Soviet, you know. The crazy one.

*blinks owlishly at the bright white interior of the convenient bathroom, absently playing with his newly acquired scarf territory* Fix? How?

I see. Very clever of you.

Like this. *shoves Yao roughly into the bathtub, clothes, scarf, and all. Ivan proceeds to turn the cold water on at an ungodly pressure*

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