hetalia | [scanlation] POST-RELEASE INTERVIEW

*irritably* Of course. It is just like any other article of clothing. *Miraculously, he still has a long, billowing piece of cloth wrapped around his neck -- it would appear that Ivan sometimes wears more than one scarf at a time*

If you're clear-headed enough to make retorts, then you aren't as smashed as I thought you were...why don't you go clean yourself up?

A-Ha! I knew you could not be without a scarf for very long... structurally integral... load bearing... Your head will probably fall off if you do~

*gets to his feet, wobbling* Oh yes, I must get cleaned up for the dinner party... but first, an impression! *flicks the damp scarf around his own neck and waves his three-penis-wine around violently* I like stolen German plumbing and stalking Baltic states! Raarrrrgh!

Who am I? Go on... guess.

You are yourself, drunk out of your mind. *Ivan plucks the wine bottle from Yao's grasp and maneuvers him towards a conveniently located bathroom, being careful not to touch the dirty scarf* I think you are in no condition to be going to any party right now, so let's fix that.

*frowns* No... I was Russia. *whispers conspiratorially* The Soviet, you know. The crazy one.

*blinks owlishly at the bright white interior of the convenient bathroom, absently playing with his newly acquired scarf territory* Fix? How?

I see. Very clever of you.

Like this. *shoves Yao roughly into the bathtub, clothes, scarf, and all. Ivan proceeds to turn the cold water on at an ungodly pressure*

*smacks into the side of tub, hard, Despair rising*
OUCH, ARU!

*water! COLD! SHOCK! flails! freezing! horrible! Argglegarbbledrowning! Sobriety, incoming! twisting, turning, hating life!*

*amused, Ivan turns off the water and steps back*

Now, did you have somewhere to go?

*lying there completely soaked, stunned, frozen and gasping. When he can manage to form words they get caught in his throat, stripped of any recognizable structure and emerge as hoarse squeaks*

.......Y-Y- HAH!?

*Having had his fun, it dawns on Ivan that a soggy, cranky, and sober Yao is infinitely more dangerous than a drunk one. Ivan pauses to curse his lack of foresight and tendency to overlook gaping flaws in his otherwise masterful plans. Fortunately, however, there are some fluffy (Turkish? he wonders) towels situated on a nearby rack. The Russian attempts to allay the probable anger coming his way by dropping a particularly bibulous-looking one on Yao's head.*

There is a dinner party waiting for you. *watches Yao shiver unsympathetically* Your alcohol tolerance is abysmal. You shouldn't have drunk such a strong wine, especially not one with three penises in it.

*does not change position or move to get up, the situation is in fact very much the same as it was previously, with the addition of a very nice towel*

.......P-P- WUH!?

...are you cold? *tentatively offers you another towel*

*looks up mournfully from beneath the towel currently on his head, breaking his previously frozen state to shiver violently. Foggy, suddenly!sober thoughts slowly and carefully encourage him to reach for the towel. His motor skills, however, find this idea hilarious and the arm and the water-soaked sleeve flop down pathetically*

.....*one disjointed curse in Mandarin*

*Ivan concurs with Yao's motor skills.*

Don't look so sad. You brought it upon yourself. *Ivan takes his towel and distastefully begins drying Yao off, as one would a large, muddy dog. He is most certainly not snickering softly as he is doing so, so please keep your knees where they are, thanks.*

*Well this is humiliating. A particularly rough rub of the towel catches in his hair and he hisses quietly, trying to scowl. Stupid Ivan and his stupid girlish giggling - why is it infectious? I will not smile or laugh because this is not a funny situation! Successfully biting back any sign of amusement, Yao stiffly reaches up to free his hair from the tangled ribbon, letting the wet strands stick to the side of his face as he resigns himself to another fluffy towel attack*

*recoils at the hiss* A sour expression is not any better. I suppose you think that you could have just staggered to the dinner party anyway, waving your penises wildly about. *laughing quietly to himself at that idea, Ivan resumes toweling Yao's hair* Really. I did you a service.

*muffles a surprised bark of laughter into the towel, finally finding his voice* My hero, aru.

*blinks. Hero worship was not exactly what Ivan was looking for, but he supposed that it was just another step on the inescapable road to unification. Ivan laughs a little harder*

Are you still cold? It might be warmer if we turned on the hot water. Or would you rather get other clothes?

*waits and waits for the laughter to turn sadistic, or eerie, or just go on too long to be comfortable, and when none of that happens... he's just very pleasantly surprised. again.*

Hot water. Then clothes. *unsnaps the buttons at his collar and side before pulling his shirt open and off with a squelch* Ugh.

*Indeed, it was none of those things, for at the moment, Russia was truly amused and quite happy. It does go without saying, however, that when Soviet Russia is happy, he is probably plotting something. Ivan watches a little too intently as Yao undresses, before looking away and wringing out the towel*

As you wish. *turns on the water. Steam rises up from the flow*

*carefully flopping his shirt over the side of the tub, Yao moves to stand directly under the shower head, sighing happily when the warm water runs down his back. Something valiant and wary wants to protest that Russia Is Currently In The Room but all that noise is drowned out by the content hum of sooo warmmmmm*

Mmmm... *leans against the tiled wall and starts picking at the stubborn knotted sash of his pants*

*Ivan is setting the towel in a conveniently-located hamper when he hears an indecent moan and looks up. He briefly entertains the idea of stealing Yao's shirt for chemical analysis, but he finds watching him strip to be much more interesting...uh. Well.*

*after several irritating minutes Yao finally tugs the sash free, pushing his pants down with a huff, kicking them and his shoes to the back of the tub. Happy to be rid of the heavy material he steps under the water again, confident that his lucky red underwear will cover any vital regions... and that panda tattoo he certainly does not have on his ass*

[scanlation] POST-RELEASE INTERVIEW

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