hetalia | [scanlation] POST-RELEASE INTERVIEW

Shinatty-chan must be an exceptional specimen. There are dogs that can walk on two legs, after all.

*brushes it from his face. Yao was right, the neon-colored sprinkles are probably too much. Ivan sets about preparing a garnish for Shinatty-chan*

Shinatty-chan is not a dog either! He is a man... sort of. Now a delicious smelling man... but still unfit for consumption! Have some recalled chocolate instead - I have so much!

*I fail to see how opening several bottles of Vodka counts as a 'preparing a garnish' you drunk*

*looks at the quivering Chinese guy in the cat suit and wife beater as if he's seeing him for the first time* Is that so?

...

No sweets before the main course! I'll have you know that a good alcohol complements a wide variety of meats. *opens some more bottles* Do you prefer a dry wine, or something more fruity?

...dry. Wait... MEATS!? For the LAST TIME, you are NOT EATING SHINATTY-CHAN! Can't you be normal and have the penis hot pot instead? What wine complements a boiled Russian dog penis?

*frowns* Perhaps one of your penis wines (http://sanlowalan3minibot.virtualave.net/ViagraOfTheEast.html)? If you are forbidden from eating Shinatty, you should have told me. That being said, you should not be forcing your dietary restrictions on innocent bystanders. Viet and I are your hosts!

*is chastened! sips his three-penis wine (OHGODWHAT) moodily, muttering*

...my wok... and my Shinatty-chan... I won't give up...*hic*

*laughs at Yao's terrible alcohol tolerance* So you will not eat Shinatty, but you will drink wine that you cannot hold. Your eating habits are most curious.

Now, then. I can't keep my guest waiting, can I? *pushes Shinatty-chan into the wok*

*glares at Ivan blearily* ....you don't know me... *hic* aru.... I won't give up... *sudden, dramatic drunken wailing* Japaaaan... why did you do that, aru? You've changed *hic* Japan... Whyyyyy?

*is totally sobbing into the ends of your scarf*

Don't worry so much about it. You will definitely become friends again after you become one with me... *adds oil to the wok*

If you blow your nose in it I'll gut you.

...stop hitting on me... *pulls on the scarf looking for more dry areas, having made the ends wet with woe*

JAPAA -HAAAN -HAAAN! ...he used to be so nice you kn-...well no... he was quite rude... but he was very cute... sort of.... BUT NOW HE'S A MEAN PERVERT! WHYYY HYY HYYY!

*yanks, pulls, blows nose*

*choked!*

STOP! STOP PULLING! LOOK, YOUR SHINATTY-CHAN IS GETTING AWAY!

*Shinatty-chan scuttles hastily to freedom, dripping a wonderfully-scented trail of seasoning and marinades*

SHINATTY-CHAN HAS LEFT ME TOO!?

*Clutching the surprisingly absorbent scarf desperately with a 'squelch' Yao bawls inconsolably with renewed Vigor and Despair TM!*

L-let go! He will definitely come back to you!

*Ivan grasps at his neck, trying to loosen the scarf in any way possible. The Despair is infectious; unfortunately, the Vigor is not and Ivan starts to feel a little dizzy*

....ONLY IF I AM ONE WITH RUSSIA! AND I... THAT IS... *jerks the scarf suddenly, sniffling the most wretched sniffles in the whole wide world* ...THAT IS JUST SCARY, ARU!

I'm only stating the inevitable--nnnNNNK! *rasps* Stop...stop...

I do not like talking about such scary inebitil- inenvia- inevverab- things. *lets the scarf go... and on impulse, boots Ivan in the ass, collapsing into a round of drunken giggles*

*gasps for air* What I find scary is the number of times you've tried to kill me. Not even America-kun has done it so often...

*Ivan unwinds the damp scarf and throws it at the giggling mess on the floor* Here, it's yours now. I don't want it back.

*waves hand dismissively* It is scary how you keep surviving. Damn social imperialist.

*scarf lands on his head and he looks at it in wonder?/horror? for a few moments* ...You can take this off!?

*irritably* Of course. It is just like any other article of clothing. *Miraculously, he still has a long, billowing piece of cloth wrapped around his neck -- it would appear that Ivan sometimes wears more than one scarf at a time*

If you're clear-headed enough to make retorts, then you aren't as smashed as I thought you were...why don't you go clean yourself up?

A-Ha! I knew you could not be without a scarf for very long... structurally integral... load bearing... Your head will probably fall off if you do~

*gets to his feet, wobbling* Oh yes, I must get cleaned up for the dinner party... but first, an impression! *flicks the damp scarf around his own neck and waves his three-penis-wine around violently* I like stolen German plumbing and stalking Baltic states! Raarrrrgh!

Who am I? Go on... guess.

You are yourself, drunk out of your mind. *Ivan plucks the wine bottle from Yao's grasp and maneuvers him towards a conveniently located bathroom, being careful not to touch the dirty scarf* I think you are in no condition to be going to any party right now, so let's fix that.

*frowns* No... I was Russia. *whispers conspiratorially* The Soviet, you know. The crazy one.

*blinks owlishly at the bright white interior of the convenient bathroom, absently playing with his newly acquired scarf territory* Fix? How?

I see. Very clever of you.

Like this. *shoves Yao roughly into the bathtub, clothes, scarf, and all. Ivan proceeds to turn the cold water on at an ungodly pressure*

*smacks into the side of tub, hard, Despair rising*
OUCH, ARU!

*water! COLD! SHOCK! flails! freezing! horrible! Argglegarbbledrowning! Sobriety, incoming! twisting, turning, hating life!*

*amused, Ivan turns off the water and steps back*

Now, did you have somewhere to go?

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