ext_158883 ([identity profile] underthered.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] hetalia2009-02-14 07:07 pm

[FANFIC?] Happy Singles Awareness Day

I guess this is kind of like fanfic? My roommate ([livejournal.com profile] dripsofmoon) and I have been collaborating on some personal ads after cracking some jokes while going through my fanart gallery. And then throwing them at [livejournal.com profile] degrees, who insisted I share. So here's the first... 11. I think we're gonna try to do some more.

Title: Personal Ads
Author/Artist: Red and [livejournal.com profile] dripsofmoon
Character(s) or Pairing(s): Russia, Belarus, N. Italy, Greece, England, Poland, France, Hungary, America, Prussia, Canada
Rating: PG
Warnings: A lot of dirty jokes
Summary: ...they're personal ads.

Russia:
"SWM seeking ne1 to be 1 w/me. -_^. Likes: long walks in the snow, sunflowers, murder. Turn-ons include long hair, northern climates, blood, and fear. Would you like to see my stock of missles? Plz call."

Belarus:
"SWF seeking RUSSIA. Let's get MARRIED MARRIED MARRIED MARRIED.

Or else."

N. Italy:
"SWM seeking strong man 2 take care of me. : D I like food, painting, food, singing, naps, food, pretty ladies, food, pasta, food and pasta. Turn ons: Um... pasta? I don't understand. Am virgin, sry. :C Plz don't hurt me."

Greece:
"Older Medit.M seeks Asian type. Likes rainstorms and elaborate international sporting events. Turn ons: dark hair, lean bodies, cats. Would like to teach you about Spartans. Must love cats. Must."

England:
"Bugger the shorthand. I'm using my blasted grammar. Single. White. Male. Seeking other male for dirty, drunken weekend long term relationship. I like sailing, tea parties (real ones, not like that FAKE one), civilizing other nations, and royalty. My turn offs include greedy, nasty, ungrateful children, indecent exposure (if you've heard I'm into that it's a PACK OF FILTHY LIES), and France. Would you like to see where the sun sets on the British Empire? Ring me."

Poland:
"so, like, I need, like, a man... um... like... gauwd...how do you start these things? oh. right. so, um, swm. I totally need a guy to do shit for me and... idk... like...buy me things... i liiiiiiiiiiike... um, like, shopping and stuff. farming. being independant. and, like... oh my god, SO this one time, and... swear. to. god. this guy TOTALLY tried to invade me, and I kicked. his. ass. and i was like, wtf? no wai! gtfo. and then he, like, didn't... so... i like totally kicked his ass. ^_^ like, totally. legit. like, all by myself and everything. it was pretty sweet. so... like... what were we talking about? oh yeah. uhhhhh... give me a call on my cell, or, like, whatever, and we can totally do something. <3 XOXO.

PS: I helped. -Lithuania"

France:
“SWM seeking… romance. Need adventurous type(s) for good time(s). Likes: wine, roses, surrender. Turn-ons: open-minded individuals. Turn-offs: clothes. Multiple positions available. Considering simultaneous applications. Come storm my beaches.”

Hungary:
“DWF looking for love, sparring partner. Likes cooking, music, delivering severe beatings. Turn-ons: musicians, close-quarters combat, boy porn. Likes 2 watch. Try nething funny & u suffer. Would like u 2 taste my strudels.”

America:
“SWM wants to make ur life a little more AWESOME. I have a SWEET TRUCK. I like FIREWORKS and EXPLOSIONS. I’m friends with a WHALE. Come see my OCEANS and my MOUNTAINS and my AMBER WAVES OF GRAIN. I think there’s STILL A FEW BUFFALO LEFT. Would like 2 take u out for burgers + RACIN’ or REAL AMERICAN FOOTBALL. I am the MAN. I have a PLANE. WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN THE MILE HIGH CLUB? I’M A FREQUENT FLIER.”

Prussia:
“SWM WISHES 2 SEIZE UR VITAL REGIONS. U ALREADY BELONG 2 ME, U JUST DON’T KNOW IT. JOIN ME 4 WARFARE, BLOODSHED, & ULTIMATE GLORY. BE MY NEXT CONQUEST! IT’S 5 METERS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!”

Canada:
“Easy-going SWM seeking some attention. All I want is someone who knows who I am and enjoys my company. Likes: hockey, beer, maple anything. Turn-ons: snuggles and a good memory. Turn-offs: being mistaken for America, being overshadowed by America, being compared to America. DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT AMERICA. I just want to be loved… please? At least just remember my name.”
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[identity profile] historyblitz.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 12:15 am (UTC)(link)
Haha, Poland.

XDDD

[identity profile] riot-of-flowers.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 12:16 am (UTC)(link)
You Sir/Miss (strike what doesn't apply) are made of different shades of greatness. I died laughing at Poland's one, I could even picture him making faces and hand gestures while trying to write the add.

BRB - building you a shrine and negotiating giving you her first born. and answering Prussia's ads

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[identity profile] dripsofmoon.livejournal.com - 2009-02-15 01:01 (UTC) - Expand

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[identity profile] dripsofmoon.livejournal.com - 2009-02-15 01:59 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] planetes.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 12:17 am (UTC)(link)
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD THESE ARE ALL BRILLIANT.


COME STORM MY BEACHES

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[identity profile] planetes.livejournal.com - 2009-02-15 00:21 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/__fantine/ 2009-02-15 12:18 am (UTC)(link)
Oh God. I hate to admit it, but...Poland writes like I talk.
And I love America's so so very much. Can we make this a series? I'd like to see everyone else's XD.

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[identity profile] bosscookie.livejournal.com - 2009-02-15 19:17 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] hime-chan17.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 12:20 am (UTC)(link)
"Come storm my beaches" XD XD XD does that mean his vital regions are Normandy? XD

America and Prussia are also awesome!

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[identity profile] hime-chan17.livejournal.com - 2009-02-15 00:58 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] tauruschick12.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 12:21 am (UTC)(link)
I WOULD RESPOND TO ALL OF THEM. But I would respond to Prussia and/or Russia first, since we seem to have the most in common...

Anyway, SO much love for this. And I love the small Greece/Japan hint...

[identity profile] mrbluesky.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 12:25 am (UTC)(link)
hahhahhaha oh god I died at America's

[identity profile] mah-marina.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 12:33 am (UTC)(link)
This is so awesome! *o*

LOL, Poland. XD

And I loved Prussia and France, ahahaha XD

[identity profile] yamikakyuu.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 12:36 am (UTC)(link)
omg UK's nearly made me spit out my food, hilarious that he wouldnt do the shorthand XD

AMERICA FTW!! Canada saying he's not America sold me, that is so funny.

you should make icons of these, theyre hilarious.

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[identity profile] yamikakyuu.livejournal.com - 2009-02-15 00:39 (UTC) - Expand

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[identity profile] yamikakyuu.livejournal.com - 2009-02-15 00:47 (UTC) - Expand

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[identity profile] dripsofmoon.livejournal.com - 2009-02-15 01:06 (UTC) - Expand

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[identity profile] yamikakyuu.livejournal.com - 2009-02-15 01:09 (UTC) - Expand

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[identity profile] yamikakyuu.livejournal.com - 2009-02-15 01:20 (UTC) - Expand

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[identity profile] dripsofmoon.livejournal.com - 2009-02-15 01:22 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] boscaresque.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 12:42 am (UTC)(link)
LMAO. England and his proper grammar. <3

I'll take them all, kthnx.

[identity profile] confictionery.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 12:54 am (UTC)(link)
/calls Canada because he's such a sweetie

Also god Arthur's made me laugh so hard.

[identity profile] 12gatsunohime.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 12:59 am (UTC)(link)
Oh my god I seriously cannot stop laughing. Poland's just KILLED me. And, I almost looked for a phone number on Canada's. Seriously. I love Matthew. :D

Well done! These sound so in-character it's hilarious.

[identity profile] snappy8000.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 01:13 am (UTC)(link)
"Would you like to see where the sun sets on the British Empire? Ring me."
Oh lol...

This was a really good idea, made me laugh a lot. Canada <3

So happy Singles Awareness Day!

[identity profile] chaaapstick.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 01:21 am (UTC)(link)
PS: I helped. -Lithuania"

Oh dear god this is hilarious.
Thanks for brightening up my day ~

[identity profile] truffle.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 01:21 am (UTC)(link)
I'd check out America's sweet truck anytime, rofl

[identity profile] badtz-kami.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 01:37 am (UTC)(link)
OH GAWD!!!!I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO SAY WHAT I LIKED THE MOST....ROFL,LIKE,ALL OF THEM?!?!?!
THESE CAPSLOCK ARE FULL OF LOVE FOR ANYONE MADE THIS.marry me?

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[identity profile] dripsofmoon.livejournal.com - 2009-02-15 18:22 (UTC) - Expand

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[identity profile] badtz-kami.livejournal.com - 2009-02-15 21:21 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] onmyoji-youkai.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 01:38 am (UTC)(link)
*Dials America's number* Hello? I'm interested.

I love all of it. My favorite are Russia, N.Italy, England, France, America, and Canada.

[identity profile] insomniel.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 01:39 am (UTC)(link)
LOL I love all of these, I want to answer all of them, even Hungary's! You guys = hilarious.
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[identity profile] zee-tee.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 01:46 am (UTC)(link)
oh god, these were so. freakin. funny. SO in-character, SO hilarious... You guys are mad geniuses.

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[identity profile] zee-tee.livejournal.com - 2009-02-15 01:53 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] semperseira.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 01:55 am (UTC)(link)
*solemnly* Proper grammar is very important.
Thanks for the laughs!

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[identity profile] semperseira.livejournal.com - 2009-02-15 03:09 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] butterflieyes.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 02:12 am (UTC)(link)
*giggles* Amazing, seriously amazing. Made my night and so many ideas. :3

Thanks for the giggles.

[identity profile] starshards.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 02:18 am (UTC)(link)
EXCUSE ME BUT PRUSSIA DIDN'T INCLUDE HIS TELEPHONE NUMBER.

/sob

[identity profile] princessarisa.livejournal.com 2009-02-15 02:29 am (UTC)(link)
OH GOD AMERICA.
The caps on every other word made me die laughing.
AMBER WAVES OF GRAIN indeed.
And PFFFFFTTTT. I'm friends with a WHALE.

And oh gawd Prussia. My ribs....they burn.
IT'S 5 METERS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
You can have my number.

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