hetalia | [Fanfic] Belarus in Wonderland [3/?]

Title: Belarus In Wonderland: A History of Europe in 876 Words: Chapter 3
Author/Artist: Sarepthegreat
Character(s) or Pairing(s): (In this chapter) Belarus, France, Switzerland, Liechtenstein, China, Germany, Italy
Rating: PG, I guess
Warnings: Belarus with a knife, Utter Crack
Summary: De-anon from the Kink Meme. Belarus and France meet up with a bunch of other animals. Chapter 1 Chapter 2

When they reached the bank of the river, they found an assortment of other animals, all of whom were as drenched as they were. In fact, they seemed to be having a discussion about the best way to get dry. Belarus approached a particularly grumpy looking bird who kept insisting that if the others did not listen to him, he would go against his oath of neutrality and beat the living daylights out of them. He seemed quite interesting and sensible.

“I suppose that you are going to insist that you know better than me as well.” He scoffed before she had a chance to talk to him.

“Well, actually, I don’t see the point in trying to get dry, as if we just wait- ”

“As I am older than you, I obviously know best.”

It was Belarus’ turn to scoff. “How old are you? I am pretty sure that I am older than you are.”

“You do not need to know my age, just that my story begins with the Federal Charter of 1291 and that I have a noble history of neutrality in everything I do. The name Switzerland is always held in high regard.”

“That does not mean that you know best, that just means that you are a crotchety old arms dealer who can’t change to meet the times.”

The bird shot Belarus a glare full of hatred before turning to his sister, who was staring up at her, quite intrigued. “Come on, Liechtenstein. We have better things to do than be insulted by this upstart.”

She smirked before noticing that France the mouse was trying to get everyone’s attention. “If everyone would please listen up, I think I have come up with an amazing way to get dry again.”

The animals looked at each other, as if trying to decide whether or not to trust him. He had come up with some good ideas in the past, but as he was growing older, his wisdom seemed to have left him. “If we all made love to each other, we would get dry in next to no time.”

Switzerland quickly covered his sister’s ears and began to yell curses at the mouse.

Another bird nearby snickered before nudging Belarus. “Ask him about Napoleon, aru. He’ll start a huge lecture that’ll be so dry, aru, that it’ll have to solve everything.”

She smirked a little before raising her hand to catch the mouse’s attention. “Excuse me. I was wondering if you knew anything about Napoleon?”

“Do I know anything about Napoleon? Do I know anything about Napoleon?! Mon amour, I knew him personally. He was such a great man. Did you know that he conquered most of the known world when he was in power? He won every single battle he every fought in and he lives in my attic right now, actually.”

Several animals shot Belarus looks of pure hatred. They had heard all of France’s lies and twisted history hundreds of times before and knew that no matter how boring or how outrageous, it would not help them dry off one bit.

“France! If you keep going on about things that are not being discussed, I will ask you to leave.” A stern looking dodo shouted from the crowd of animals. He walked up to the front. “I suggest that we run a strict training session. That will dry us of in no time.”

A small bird that had fallen asleep woke with a start and gave the dodo a horrified look. “Ve~ I don’t want to run again, Germany. We ran yesterday and I want to eat and take a nap.”

The dodo put his wing to his face and shook his head. “Whoever does the best gets a prize, okay?”

The small bird perked up. “Will it be food?”

“Just start running already.”

The assortment of animals all began to run around in a circle on the shore. Belarus joined in simply because she wanted to see what kind of prize was to be given out and frankly, detested the feel of the wet clothes. It wasn’t long before everyone was dry and Germany stopped them all.

“Ve~ Who won the prize, Germany?”

He pondered this question for a while before simply answering. “Everyone did, Italy.”

The animals all looked around excitedly. “Who is going to be giving out the prizes?”

“Well, her of course.” The dodo pointed to Belarus and she glanced around to make sure she was the intended her. All of the animals began to crowd around her, demanding the prize they had been promised.

The only thing that Belarus had in her possession at this point was her knife, which she was not about to give away. In fact, she wiped it out and held it menacingly at the crowd until they parted away from her. Most of them left, not wanting her to attack them and grumbling about unsportsmanlike behaviour.

Soon, she found herself alone and she breathed a sigh. Belarus was not quite used to being around that many people. The sound of footsteps broke through her thoughts and she turned, hoping it was her brother to come save the day, but she knew that wasn’t possible. Who could it be, then?

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Original request and fill: at the Kink Meme