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hetalia2009-11-13 01:19 pm
alexielthegreat.livejournal.com) wrote in hetalia2009-11-13 01:19 pm
Entry tags:
[FIC/ART] Inspired by the lists of things America is banned from...
Title: Riding the Two-Tailed Mermaid
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
capndavyjones
Character(s) or Pairing(s): America, Canada, mentions of Germany, Switzerland, France, Russia, Luxembourg, Austria, England, Denmark, Sweden
Warnings: One use of the 'f' word, general insanity.
Summary: All was going well at the meetings in America... until a Starbucks opened in the lobby and America discovered said vendor.
XD Just a Humor story that I hope you all enjoy.
It was inevitable. Impossibly so. Still, the issue was put off time after time, hidden away as a lurking fear in the minds of the Nations during every World Summit that gathered in New York, until the day those nightmarish thoughts were brought to reality.
The day that a St*rbucks® vendor opened in the lobby of the building where all of the world meetings took place when in America.
The day that Alfred F. Jones, the United States of America, discovered said St*rbucks® vendor.
The day that Jones drank six Venti sized coffees.
In a row.
This is the written account of that event.
The meeting started off as typically as usual, with the various nations butting heads and Germany attempting to calm the lot with his usual loud and commanding attitude. It was a meeting like any other, save for the absence of America's cheerful and hyperactive tone speaking over the sea of arguments.
Now, America wasn't missing from the room. He was seated in his spot at the table, as quiet as a mouse as he seemed to stare absently at the far wall. Canada was rather unnerved by his brothers unusual silence.
"Alfred?" Canada quietly asked. "Hey… Alfred? You okay?" But no answer came from the American. Canada pursed his lips in mild confusion, and looked over his brother's figure for any sign of an alien brain control device, or if it was a Hollywood mannequin seated next to him instead of the USA.
It was then that Canada noticed America's hands. They were firmly clasped to the bottom of his chair, white knuckled and shaking, though the tremors looked more like twitches and vibrations at the speed they were going. Alarmed, Canada spoke louder (it was still barely a whisper).
"Alfred…! What's the matter!"
America's answer zoomed by so quickly that Canada couldn't catch it. "What?" Canada whispered again.
"IfIletgoofthechairI'llfloataway," America said again. Despite understanding what was said, Canada could barely comprehend what the utterance meant.
"Come again??"
"If. I. Let. Go. Of. The. Chair. I'll. Float. Away!"
America fairly squeaked the last word. Canada blinked a few times until his attention was drawn to a maid cleaning out the rubbish bin behind them.
One. Two. Three.
Canada turned pale in horror.
Four. Five.
"Dear Maple…"
Six. Six empty Venti sized coffees, all from this morning from St*rbucks®. All with the name 'Alfred' scribbled on the cardboard heat guard by the unsuspecting barista.
Before he could voice his terror, America shot up from his chair like a rocket, shouting with a brilliant and less-than-sane smile on his face, "DID ANYONE ELSE WATCH SHARK WEEK ON THE DISC*VERY CHANNEL?! MAN, THAT WAS A GREAT SEASON!!"
The room fell awkwardly silent. But America kept talking.
"HEY! HEY, GUYS! LISTEN! I THINK … wait, hang on… OH! YEAH! I WAS WATCHING WH*LE W*RS, AND--"
"Amerika-san, chotto matte, kudasai!" Japan gently but firmly interuppted.
"It isn't your turn to speak! Was ist dein Probleme?!" Germany could feel the veins popping in his head at the new outburst, but after a moment of heavy breathing, he was able to reign in his anger. "Is there something of RELEVANCE you'd like to add, Amerika?"
"NO!" America beamed. "BUT THERE WAS THIS SWEET MOVIE THAT CAME OUT LIKE A WEEK OR SO AGO, YOU'D LOVE IT, GERMANY!!"
Canada saw Switzerland reaching for the pistol in his jacket as America rambled on.
"IT'S CALLED IN*LOR*OUS B*S-"
At that moment, Canada's hand clasped over America's mouth and was able to partly silence him, summoning up his own voice to explain his brother's behavior.
"I-I'm sorry! He isn't himself!" Canada shouted weakly.
"Pour l'amour de Dieu, Mathieu, speak up," France urged in a slightly irritated tone. America's first outburst had interrupted his almost successful flirting session with the pretty, but business-minded Luxembourg. Canada tried to answer as he struggled with the twitchy America, who was still rambling even when muffled by the Canadian palm.
"He- He's on a caffeine high! He drank Six Ventis from St*rbucks®!" Canada stammered out. England paled slightly.
"Bloody hell… All In Favor Of A Recess Until We Can Calm America Down??" The bushy-browed Englishman called to the other members of the summit.
"A Recess? We've had two already!" Austria, who's patience was growing Quite thin, pointed out the obvious in a distinctly un-aristocratic squeak.
"Fine!" England had to compromise. "All In Favor Of Just Throwing The Bugger Out?!"
He was answered with a resounding "AYE!!" as America was tossed through the doors by Sweden and Denmark. A calm slowly filtered into the room as things quieted down considerably.
But that didn't last as something banged on the window that gave a lovely view of Times Square. America pressed his face against the glass, grinning excitedly and conjuring memories of The Big Ch*ll.
"Oh, how did he get up there?" Russia wondered aloud in a smiling voice. "I hope he doesn't fall…"
"HEY GUYS!!" America shouted through the window in a giddy tone. "I JUST MET THIS GIRL IN CENTRAL PARK, HER NAME IS SKYE AND WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY!!!" He was momentarily distracted as he glanced down at the city below.
"You idiot!! Get back in here before you trip!!" England shouted as he raced to the window.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!" America's grin came back, a delighted gesture as he pointed down to the streets Eight Stories Below Him.
"LOOK!!! A ST*RBUCKS®!!! WOOOOOOOooooooo~!!!!"
America leapt from the ledge before England and a few others could reach him. When they opened the window and looked down, they saw America, alive and impossibly happy, sprinting down 42nd Street to the St*rbucks® he sought, giggling like a 4-year-old at D*sneyL*nd.
The meeting concluded with the drafting of a bill that prohibits Alfred F. Jones, the United States of America, from consuming more than two large 16 oz. cups of coffee every 24 hours.
Jones has yet to agree to said bill.
Authors:
capndavyjones Character(s) or Pairing(s): America, Canada, mentions of Germany, Switzerland, France, Russia, Luxembourg, Austria, England, Denmark, Sweden
Warnings: One use of the 'f' word, general insanity.
Summary: All was going well at the meetings in America... until a Starbucks opened in the lobby and America discovered said vendor.
XD Just a Humor story that I hope you all enjoy.
It was inevitable. Impossibly so. Still, the issue was put off time after time, hidden away as a lurking fear in the minds of the Nations during every World Summit that gathered in New York, until the day those nightmarish thoughts were brought to reality.
The day that a St*rbucks® vendor opened in the lobby of the building where all of the world meetings took place when in America.
The day that Alfred F. Jones, the United States of America, discovered said St*rbucks® vendor.
The day that Jones drank six Venti sized coffees.
In a row.
This is the written account of that event.
The meeting started off as typically as usual, with the various nations butting heads and Germany attempting to calm the lot with his usual loud and commanding attitude. It was a meeting like any other, save for the absence of America's cheerful and hyperactive tone speaking over the sea of arguments.
Now, America wasn't missing from the room. He was seated in his spot at the table, as quiet as a mouse as he seemed to stare absently at the far wall. Canada was rather unnerved by his brothers unusual silence.
"Alfred?" Canada quietly asked. "Hey… Alfred? You okay?" But no answer came from the American. Canada pursed his lips in mild confusion, and looked over his brother's figure for any sign of an alien brain control device, or if it was a Hollywood mannequin seated next to him instead of the USA.
It was then that Canada noticed America's hands. They were firmly clasped to the bottom of his chair, white knuckled and shaking, though the tremors looked more like twitches and vibrations at the speed they were going. Alarmed, Canada spoke louder (it was still barely a whisper).
"Alfred…! What's the matter!"
America's answer zoomed by so quickly that Canada couldn't catch it. "What?" Canada whispered again.
"IfIletgoofthechairI'llfloataway," America said again. Despite understanding what was said, Canada could barely comprehend what the utterance meant.
"Come again??"
"If. I. Let. Go. Of. The. Chair. I'll. Float. Away!"
America fairly squeaked the last word. Canada blinked a few times until his attention was drawn to a maid cleaning out the rubbish bin behind them.
One. Two. Three.
Canada turned pale in horror.
Four. Five.
"Dear Maple…"
Six. Six empty Venti sized coffees, all from this morning from St*rbucks®. All with the name 'Alfred' scribbled on the cardboard heat guard by the unsuspecting barista.
Before he could voice his terror, America shot up from his chair like a rocket, shouting with a brilliant and less-than-sane smile on his face, "DID ANYONE ELSE WATCH SHARK WEEK ON THE DISC*VERY CHANNEL?! MAN, THAT WAS A GREAT SEASON!!"
The room fell awkwardly silent. But America kept talking.
"HEY! HEY, GUYS! LISTEN! I THINK … wait, hang on… OH! YEAH! I WAS WATCHING WH*LE W*RS, AND--"
"Amerika-san, chotto matte, kudasai!" Japan gently but firmly interuppted.
"It isn't your turn to speak! Was ist dein Probleme?!" Germany could feel the veins popping in his head at the new outburst, but after a moment of heavy breathing, he was able to reign in his anger. "Is there something of RELEVANCE you'd like to add, Amerika?"
"NO!" America beamed. "BUT THERE WAS THIS SWEET MOVIE THAT CAME OUT LIKE A WEEK OR SO AGO, YOU'D LOVE IT, GERMANY!!"
Canada saw Switzerland reaching for the pistol in his jacket as America rambled on.
"IT'S CALLED IN*LOR*OUS B*S-"
At that moment, Canada's hand clasped over America's mouth and was able to partly silence him, summoning up his own voice to explain his brother's behavior.
"I-I'm sorry! He isn't himself!" Canada shouted weakly.
"Pour l'amour de Dieu, Mathieu, speak up," France urged in a slightly irritated tone. America's first outburst had interrupted his almost successful flirting session with the pretty, but business-minded Luxembourg. Canada tried to answer as he struggled with the twitchy America, who was still rambling even when muffled by the Canadian palm.
"He- He's on a caffeine high! He drank Six Ventis from St*rbucks®!" Canada stammered out. England paled slightly.
"Bloody hell… All In Favor Of A Recess Until We Can Calm America Down??" The bushy-browed Englishman called to the other members of the summit.
"A Recess? We've had two already!" Austria, who's patience was growing Quite thin, pointed out the obvious in a distinctly un-aristocratic squeak.
"Fine!" England had to compromise. "All In Favor Of Just Throwing The Bugger Out?!"
He was answered with a resounding "AYE!!" as America was tossed through the doors by Sweden and Denmark. A calm slowly filtered into the room as things quieted down considerably.
But that didn't last as something banged on the window that gave a lovely view of Times Square. America pressed his face against the glass, grinning excitedly and conjuring memories of The Big Ch*ll.
"Oh, how did he get up there?" Russia wondered aloud in a smiling voice. "I hope he doesn't fall…"
"HEY GUYS!!" America shouted through the window in a giddy tone. "I JUST MET THIS GIRL IN CENTRAL PARK, HER NAME IS SKYE AND WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY!!!" He was momentarily distracted as he glanced down at the city below.
"You idiot!! Get back in here before you trip!!" England shouted as he raced to the window.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!" America's grin came back, a delighted gesture as he pointed down to the streets Eight Stories Below Him.
"LOOK!!! A ST*RBUCKS®!!! WOOOOOOOooooooo~!!!!"
America leapt from the ledge before England and a few others could reach him. When they opened the window and looked down, they saw America, alive and impossibly happy, sprinting down 42nd Street to the St*rbucks® he sought, giggling like a 4-year-old at D*sneyL*nd.
The meeting concluded with the drafting of a bill that prohibits Alfred F. Jones, the United States of America, from consuming more than two large 16 oz. cups of coffee every 24 hours.
Jones has yet to agree to said bill.
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