[fanfics] All in How You Look at It & Yo, England

[inuyashacooks.livejournal.com]

before I put up some actual writing, thought I'd share these two retarded fics.

Title: All in How You Look at It/Octopus Ice Cream
Author: inuyashacooks
Characters: Japan, China
Rating: PG
Warnings: OFFENSIVE STEREOTYPES
Summary: Japan gets a puppy. China "helps."


ALL IN HOW YOU LOOK AT IT
or, OCTOPUS ICE CREAM

The little puppy slid, skid along the floors- couldn't find its footing, battled its way around Japan's ankles. "Watch out," Japan reminded it, balancing some papers in his hand, but it didn't really pay any attention, had its mind on other things. Japan sighed and arranged some paperwork, trying to figure out why he'd bought a puppy in the first place- it was good company but very time-consuming...

"Aiyaaa, so cute!" China exclaimed, picking it up and holding it in the air- it responded with a happy bark, snapped at air; China cradled it with that "OMG CUTE" expression on his face that he put on when he saw Hello Kitty. Japan sighed and looked over at them.

"You make a better owner than I do," he observed, with a subdued tone of voice.

China and the puppy looked over to him questioningly. "It's just because you're young!" China said with a wink, "But don't worry, Big Brother will teach you about animals! I know lots about animals!"

"...............Hmm," Japan responded, and turned back to his work with a curt movement.

"Haha, I don't know what that pause was for," China pointed out uneasily, and then set the puppy down on the floor. It complained about something, barking at China; then seemed to shake it off and trotted over to harass Japan.

"No, puppy, I'm working- ACK, no, stop!" Japan stammered, flustered, trying hurriedly to salvage what papers the puppy was currently not ripping up. Luckily, it had only gotten to one; he grabbed the puppy in time and held it up, giving it a stern look. Its eyes were unblinking, like beads or stars. "Listen, you need to stop- oh, what's this?" Japan said, almost to himself, looking over the puppy's paws. There was dirt sticking out from the fur around its feet, some dirt on its stomach. Japan appraised the puppy with a measured expression.

"Oh, you need a bath," Japan muttered in realization.

"What does it need, aru?" China asked from across the room, where he was currently snooping through Japan's drawers.

"A bath- that must be what he's bothering me about," Japan reasoned, then stood up. "Well, come on then," he said, clapping his hands and waiting for the puppy to follow- and in response, it cocked its head and then rolled over. Japan's eyes flattened. Maybe he should've named it Italy.

China came up behind him, peering curiously down at the dog. "Don't you need to work, though?"

"Oh- yes- but I'm fine, I suppose," Japan answered, with a slight shrug.

"Aiyaa! Don't interrupt yourself, aru! I'll give it a bath!" China said enthusiastically, patting Japan on the back, buddy-buddy and energetic.

Japan paused. He didn't want to trouble China, but he did need to get some work done..."Are you sure you don't mind?" he asked.

"Don't worry about it, aru! I don't mind at all, go and finish your work!" China replied with a smile, starting to push Japan back into his seat.

"Thank you, China, it's very much appreciated," Japan said, with a slight nod, as he sat down.

China gave a small laugh. "Aiya, so formal with your big brother," he said, rolling his eyes. He retied his hair, and then padded down the hall. "I'll go draw the bath, then, aru."

Japan nodded, then went back to his paperwork; the puppy climbed into his lap and watched him check things off, make notes, with curious eyes. Japan listened vaguely as the hiss of the heating pipes came on, the tumble and flush of water; heard China pad around the house lightly. A couple of minutes passed by; then Japan remembered that the hadn't shown China where the things for the dog were, the shampoo, the brush, all that. Knowing China, he'd just use whatever was around without asking, but Japan wasn't sure he wanted his own soap being used on the dog...he got up from his place, putting the puppy on the floor, and headed down the hall to the bathroom.

There was...steam pouring out the door, he noticed that as he came near. Japan's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and then when he turned toward the doorframe, he was smacked in the face by a cloud of hot steam. He stepped inside- God, it was like a sauna in here! Why did a dog need water that hot!?

"China, the- er, dog shampoo and things are in the- broom closet- if you don't mind my asking, why is it so- eh- hot in here?" Japan asked, pulling on his collar.

China whipped around to Japan, seeming to jump. "Oh! Hello- uh, no reason, I-"

Japan's eyes wandered- then rested on the bath, where...his expression was strange for a moment- could have been surprise, then irritation- but it ended in a state of blank repose. He blinked. "China," he said, voice level, "The water is very hot. And I see you've added some sliced carrots to it."

"Uh- hehehe," China laughed, fixing his hair with nervous hands.

Japan stepped closer, and looked into the tub- where an assortment of things were floating around: spring onions, bell peppers, bok choy...his mouth straightened. There were two containers of...something by China's feet. He figured they were probably salt and pepper; however, he coulddiscern the third container- a bottle of shoyu from his kitchen. His eyes met China's expectantly, and China just let out a nervous laugh.

"Well, brother, you know," China smiled vaguely, which was funny because Japan didn't know.

Japan rose an eyebrow and leaned against the tiled wall. He paused; fiddled with his sleeve, didn't look at China who seemed to be watching him nervously. "So," Japan said, "is this why you know a lot about animals?"

"Haha, it's not the way it looks," China said cheerfully, with another laugh. There was a pause. China bit his tongue. "Hm. That actually depends on how it looks to you, aru."

"I see," Japan said.

They looked at each other and blinked. China opened his mouth, beginning to clarify, so that means you don't want me to- but looking at Japan's resigned expression, he knew the answer. So, he started to fish the vegetables out of the bathtub, and Japan got a Ziploc bag from the kitchen to put them in. Then they drained the water and walked out of the bathroom as though nothing had happened.

And an awkward silence followed them through the rest of China's visit; the only one who didn't notice the sudden change was the puppy. The silence was actually only broken as China made his way out the door.

Japan was too embarrassed to say goodbye. China said a muttered goodbye...but then, halfway down the path from Japan's house, he whirled around, and snapped, "Oh, come off it, aru, you eat octopus-flavored ice cream!"

Title: Yo, England
Author: inuyashacooks
Characters/Pairing: England, America, France, Germany, Austria; USxUK
Rating: PG
Warnings: KANYE WEST, some language, beating a joke to death
Summary: America interrupts England during a G8 meeting.


YO, ENGLAND

"And furthermore," England continued, standing by the Smartboard at the head of the table, shuffling papers with a very mild, even look on his face, "I think that you two-" he paused, shooting a look at France and Germany- "should be a bit more discreet about your teaming up, because it makes me extremely uncomfortable and I don't believe I'm alone in thinking you should both shut up about the European Union."

"Mon Dieu, it's not my fault you're unfashionable."

"...What...I didn't say anything about..."

France waved his hand dismissively. "Besides, you just don't want anyone to usurp your 'Special Relationship'," he continued, rolling his eyes.

"I second that," Germany replied.

England rolled his eyes. "Well then you're seconding a stupid assumption, Germany. That certainly is not my concern- however I'm going to say that the Special Relationship may be of so much political consequence because a certain wine bastard has nothing of importance to offer the world."

France opened his mouth to say something, eyes flashing indignant; but he stopped short when he noticed America get up from his place and start over toward where England stood. France's expression wilted into confusion, and all eyes were on America. "What the Hell are you doing," England said flatly, "Get back to your sea-"

At which point America shoved England out of the way, landing him against the wall with his idiot strength. England let out a protesting cry. "Yo, England, I'm really happy for you and Imma let you finish," America began, holding his hand up.

"Are you insane-"

"But France has one of the best codes of law in the world." America paused; then he leaned forward into the table, determination in his eyes. "The. Best. Codes. Of law. In the world."

There was a confused silence around the table (Italy broke the quiet with a distant, "Hey, that sounds sorta familiar, ve, Germany?"); then, England, white in the eyes, took the opportunity to lunge forward and punched America right in the head, therefore ending whatever stupid point America had been thinking to make.


England rushed out after the meeting, into the blistering New York winter. He pulled on his gloves, wondering vaguely what the Hell had come over America at the meeting. Well, whatever, it wasn't like this strange behavior was anything new. Thinking he'd stop to get some good on the way to the hotel, he stepped into the car; turned on the ignition, waited to feel the heat before going...when suddenly there was a knock on his window.

He looked up, and his expression fell when he spotted America on the other side of the glass. He scowled and looked straight ahead, but the knocking became more insistent. England rolled his eyes. What did that idiot want now? He put down the window and flashed an expectant glare at America- eyes saying, Make it quick.

America gulped. "Uhm. Hey. I came here on the bus. But it's snowing now."

A brief pause. "That's nice," England replied curtly, rolling up the window.

"Uhm- can you give me a ride?" America asked.

England's eyebrows furrowed. "Really, America? Look, why don't you ask Japan?"

"...I don't know?" America responded.

England paused; then sighed, reached over to jerk the passenger side door open. "Get in, then, you pathetic sod."

"Thanks," America muttered, and rounded about the car to the passenger side. He shuffled inside, slamming the door behind him. The chattering in his teeth ebbed; he held his hands up to the air vent, rubbed them together to start the flow of warmth.

England pressed on the gas and began out of the parking lot. Around the security booth, something cloudy and awkward crept out of the corners of the silence. Neither of them addressed it. America, being America, coughed at odd intervals. England tried to think of something else.

They moved back into the city main, came to an intersection; people crossed in a faceless mass. Sounds of horns, sounds of snow's voices. America cleared his throat. "Yo, England-"

"Oh let me guess, you're very happy for me and you're going to let me finish but?" England snapped, his words turning upward in acid.

America winced. "No," he said indignantly, shifting in his seat. He paused, uncomfortably. England looked over to him, felt the clouded blue softly descend. Well, he seemed sincere...The light turned green; he stepped on the gas, waited for America to continue. "I just- I'm sorry for what I did at the meeting today," he said, twisting his hands nervously in his lap.

England eyed him curiously. America went on. "I just, I mean, I want to make a point sometimes and I think it's wrong if I don't get to say what I want to say."

"So you couldn't have said it from your seat and without slamming me into a wall?"

America bit his lip. "Oh, yeah, that. I mean." He paused, seemed to dissect his thoughts. "Just sometimes, I get these overwhelming- urges to just do like- stuff like that. Like, obnoxious stuff. Like really obnoxious. I don't know how it comes over me. It might have something to do with...like, do I have a big ego? I have no idea. I always feel like what I think needs to be heard by people...I just..." He sighed, irritated. "I'm just really sorry for always doing obnoxious stuff like that. Especially to you."

England paused; balanced America's words, then he sighed. "It's alright, I suppose," he said grudgingly, reaching over to pat America on the shoulder with something rather paternal in his touch.

They reached a red light; the car pushed slowly to a stop as England hit the brakes. He didn't even realize that his hand lingered for a moment. He looked blankly to the street- then it was suddenly strange, he felt the pressure of a hand over his own; he flushed bright cherry pink, his eyes flashed over to America with a spark.

America's hand over his- blue eyes a little lost. Only a moment, but there was something flurried and cosmic. Snow batted against the window; snow whirled in and was like shackles. America leaned over closer and England felt his breath hitch in his throat, felt all his dark impressions tumble and close...the whole car was suddenly hot- America was too close- and his mouth was angled toward England's in a terribly soft way that made England wish he would either just move closer or further already, just push or pull, and-

America's breath ghosted over his mouth; then the light in America's eyes changed. "Hey, England," he said, voice soft.

"Y-yes?" England stammered, swallowing his words, catching himself moving closer.

A pause.

"Do you like fish sticks?"

The light turned green. England slammed his foot down on the gas and pulled over to a nearby street. "Get out of my fucking car, you obnoxious, ungrateful, egoistic, stupid hamburger-loving prat-"

America was collapsed in laughter; was so involved in his own joke, actually, that he couldn't feel England kicking him until he was out of the car, landed on the sidewalk flat on his ass, the sudden cold all around him. He was still laughing as he watched England drive away. But he stopped laughing when he realized that the snow was only getting worse, and he had no idea where in Midtown he was, if there was a bus stop close or if his apartment was even within walking distance.

He shivered. Oh, well.


It was a warm night; silence descended. England poured himself a glass of whiskey and settled into his sleeping thoughts. He sat down on a rather shoddy armchair across from the television. He hadn't been able to make it to Austria's most recent performance, but it was being broadcasted tonight, so it was fine. Even though Austria was a bit of a stuck-up-the-ass aristocrat and English culture was still a hundred more times refined, England did have to admit that Austria had a way with music.

The lights dimmed onstage; Austria gave a bow, then sat down on the bench and began to play. Music like whips of night, or else stirring up foreign ghosts from the streets outside- England leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes against the sound. Yeah, the tosser could really play a piano. He'd have to send him a note about his performance later.

In about an hour and two glasses of whiskey, the concert had ended. The lights came on and Austria stood up, expression a little lighter than usual- but turning cold and impassive as the thunder of applause roared above thought. Well done, England though, getting up from his place. Onscreen, Austria stepped up to a microphone. England figured he'd pour himself another glass, so he got up from his place and walked over into the kitchen, listening to Austria as he went.

"Thank you very much for your-...why are you here? What are you doing, you idiot? Hey-"

England paused. Confused sounds seemed to rise from the TV. He glanced back, and his eyes almost popped out of his head- there was America, onstage, having taken the microphone from Austria's hand, looking determinedly at the crowd with EAGLES and JUSTICE in the glitter of his eyes.

"Yo, Austria, I'm really happy for you and Imma let you finish-"

And in no time, England had thrown his glass back into the sink- had gotten his coat, heading for the door, slipping it on haphazardly and getting out his cellphone. It really took no effort. He was going to phone the airport and have them prepare a jet for him so that he could fly to Austria's house and literally beat the shit out of America, because this had nothing to do with ego or obnoxiousness- this had to do with America's vast, incalculable stupidity, and the fact that he had just made England waste a good glass of whiskey.

England left so fast, actually, that he didn't catch America say-

"But England has some of the best composers of all time. Best. Composers. Of all time," with a wink toward the camera.



NOTES;;I can't believe this shit actually has notes XD
1] Kanye West at the VMAs, which personally made me lol forever. There's some pop bullshit at the beginning of the video though that you might wanna skip.
2] Fish sticks, but only the audio. "I DONT NEED ANYONE TELLIN ME PLAY ON WORDS I'M A MOTHAFUCKIN' LYRICAL WORDSMITH, MOTHAFUCKIN' GENIUS!!!!"
3] Japanese ice creams, which everybody knows about. I wanna try cactus ice cream :\
4] I was actually thinking about the whole "Chinese-people-eat-weird-things" stigma, but really, it's really not all that weird. I think the "cat and dog" thing is really more a stereotype (XD), but I mean, the reason other culture's foods appear strange to Americans is because Americans can afford to be choosy with that they eat. Americans cringe at eating stuff like blood products, gizzards, liver, tripe, etc., because unlike the rest of the world there's been only a few instances of severe widespread hunger (e.g., the South during the Civil War, the Appalachia, around the Dust Bowl). Anyway, personally, there's almost nothing you can throw at me that I'll cringe at. I've seen the worst of Filipino food XD

Thanks for reading!!! :D

Comments

[artemis-elric.livejournal.com]

-comment on Yo England-

*chokes* I just burst out laughing in the middle of a library. Oh jeez... America you're such a gigantic idiot BUT I LOVE YOU. <3

[inuyashacooks.livejournal.com]

D: sorry about that! that's never a good thing (has done it like a million times).

I LOVE AMERICA TOOOOO <3

glad you liked! :3

[miyako-tsuki.livejournal.com]

I love the China and Japan one! It was so in character, not to mention hilarious!

[inuyashacooks.livejournal.com]

:D thanks! (I was actually wondering about China's characterization, I haven't really written him before O_o)

[madnesshp.livejournal.com]

8D Ahh! It had to happen eventually, the VMA's crossover with Hetalia. And I'm so SO GLAD it did. ♥

[inuyashacooks.livejournal.com]

Yo, madnesshp, I'm really happy you liked it and Imma let you finish...

Seriously, I love Kanye for doing that. Provided me with ENDLESS LULZ.

anyway, thankyouuu! Glad you liked ;D

[madnesshp.livejournal.com]

Oh mannn, Kanye was such a diiick for doing that, but when America does it... I-I don't know, I just want to hug him and squeeze him... ♥

[inuyashacooks.livejournal.com]

It's probably because America is SO DAMN ADORABLE

[madnesshp.livejournal.com]

^3^ Ain't that the truth~

[awww-applesauce.livejournal.com]

I had to move my laptop just so I could laugh at America. xD;

and weird ice creams~ I love Japan's ice creams. = w= I want indigo ice cream now. THANKS ALOT! D=< ; ^; That was soooo good~

[inuyashacooks.livejournal.com]

XDD he is a funny one, that's for sure.

Indigo ice cream!? What is that!? *is way too interested in ice cream*

Thanks! And glad you liked :3

[awww-applesauce.livejournal.com]

one of Japan's ice ceams. its delicious. = w= its made out of the indigo plant/flower I believe. its really good. I forget where in Japan I had it. ; ^; I went to Japan in the summer of 07...so a litle over two years ago I had it. ; ^; American ice cream just cannot compare to Japan's. at all. Though I've never heard of Octopus ice cream, it doesn't surprise me that they have it. xD

[inuyashacooks.livejournal.com]

:OOO! that sounds so awesome! both the ice cream and that you went to japan :3 I may go myself in spring so I'll be on the lookout for that :D

[awww-applesauce.livejournal.com]

LOL The ice cream was amazing. |D Good luck~ Try the ice cream, its delicious. xD

[gngstermoney32.livejournal.com]

I love you so hard for this.
Combining my love of hetalia, south park, VMAs, and hatred of kanye west?
lets get married

[inuyashacooks.livejournal.com]

LET'S :D

Thanks! :D

[hirakareta-sama.livejournal.com]

Aww man The Kanye meme wil NEVER get old. And bless America's heart for doing it.

[inuyashacooks.livejournal.com]

INDEED. GOD BLESS AMERICA for appropriating KANYE.

[toffee-pudding.livejournal.com]

"Get out of my fucking car, you obnoxious, ungrateful, egoistic, stupid hamburger-loving prat-"


That killed me xD
...actually, England cussing anyone out usually does the trick.

[inuyashacooks.livejournal.com]

FOR REAL. England is just hilarious, in any situation XDDD

[inuyashacooks.livejournal.com]

INDEED. it makes him a gay fish, didn't you know? XD

[inuyashacooks.livejournal.com]

(for REAL *fist pump*)

[greenpanic6.livejournal.com]

Japan and China were so cute and the Kanye one was awesome i love that

[inuyashacooks.livejournal.com]

:3 thankyou! glad you liked :D

[deixis-dyad.livejournal.com]

How can you write such entertaining stuff?! xDDD

OH LAWL, first of all, at the 'offensive stereotype' warning for the one with China and Japan. You know, I think China picked up that slightly morbid activity from Russia. Seriously. That is such a 'Russia' thing to do (be like 'OMG CUTE CUTE SOOOO CUTE' one moment, cook it the next).

Pfffttt, KANYE WEST. OH NOES.
That whole thing was so perfect. I LOVED~ the part where it seems to be heading for a kiss in the car and then America just abruptly asks about fish sticks. xDDD I lawled for a while.

[inuyashacooks.livejournal.com]

XDD OMG, that is like...so completely spot-on, that he got that from Russia. RUSSIA WOULD, is all I have to say.

JHFWE HAHAHAH KANYE WEST, OH DAMN, HE'S GREAT.

Glad it made you laugh! ;D

[tupelo-thief.livejournal.com]

YOU DID NOT. YOU SO TOTALLY DID NOT. XDDDDDDDD. HOMIGOOOOOOD, fucking LAUGHED MY ASS OFF at the america england one, just, like as SOON as i saw that i was like "No, you did NOT XDDDDD!!!1". it only happened a week ago, and yet so much kanye west VMAs stuff already maybe because it was just SO FUCKING HILARIOUS. It r fact- we r going to use this VMAs experience FOREVER. So, ya, not only, DID YOU GO THERE, but then FISHSTICKS XDDDD!?!?!?!?1/ LMAO ENGLAND IS SUCH A MOTHA FUCKIN GHEY FISH. *slaps self for not thinking of that earlier*.

And the china and japan, just, at the mention of the word STEAM, i was like "Oh NO HE DI'NT!!".

YOU + ME + JAPANESE ICE CREAM = MOTHA FUCKIN WIN. and then we'll bring saya along to make it even MORE ossimly japanese.

I have to words to say to you all- trantula(!). and also - YOU FUCKING WENT THERE. *is glad that you did, but also wants to shoot your fuckin face off*

[inuyashacooks.livejournal.com]

DUDE, ME AND MY SISTER JUST WATCHED TWO MOVIES AND AT EVERY EMOTIONAL PART I KEPT PAUSING TO GO "YO [CHARACTER'S NAME], I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU & IMMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT-" SRSLY. I KEPT DOING THAT WHEN WE HAD THE RADIO ON IN THE CAR. I LOVE KANYE WEST FOR DOING THAT AHAHAHAHAHHAHA.

England is a mothafuckin ghey fish :\ that's why Germany was able to spot him so quick in the Can't Escape Italy strips, wot wot

dude, when I wrote these two fics I wanned to shot my fuckin face off XD but this is how I clear my head I guess? Clear my imaginative palate, if you will.

Tarantula. (!)

[tupelo-thief.livejournal.com]

JKLF GJKNJKLVNB K DUDE- ITS LIKE ME WITH THE FUCKING "PEMBERLEY!! WE'RE GOING TO PEMBERLEY!!!!1" LOLOLOLLOOL I LOVE IT *BONEZ VIA THE INTERNET*

ARE WE GOING TO PEMBERLEY OR ARE WE GOING TO PEMBERLEY!?!??! i had a moment like that today- purseus mentioned something about a literary reading AT THE BRITTISH CONSULATE and I was like "are we going to buy stick candy or are we going to buy stick candy?" (do you remember that XD?)

GAWD, AS IF WE NEEDED ANY MORE PROOF THAT ENGLAND WAS A MOTHERFUCKING GHEY FISH(hello motherfucking kitty)XD. but in himaruya's eyes, yes, we DID need more proof (and i thank him muchly for that comic XD)

CHECK UR EMAILZ BETCH.

[onmyoujitaishi.livejournal.com]

ffffff I KNEW THAT KANYE WEST THING WOULD COME UP SOON. ♥ And then the fishsticks hurhurrr.

That was all just brilliant. I laughed so hard XD

[inuyashacooks.livejournal.com]

XDDD thank you! Glad you enjoyed :3

[kitaakuu.livejournal.com]

<sub>YO ENGLAND

I died sir, dieieeieieieied xD</sub>

[inuyashacooks.livejournal.com]

XDDDDDD YO ENGLAND, I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU AND IMMA-

*shot*

glad you liked XD

[twistedsheets10.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD YES. America, you sweet sweet jerk. I died laughing.

You have to wonder why England subjects himself to this kind of stuff time and time again.

[inuyashacooks.livejournal.com]

:D glad it made you laugh XD And, hmm, that's a good question. :\ PROLLY BECAUSE AMERICA'S SEXY, WOT WOT

[twistedsheets10.livejournal.com]

Ahaha. tru fax. And probably because of the smile, too and the HOT SEX