Government Joke Times

[nikkernoodle.livejournal.com]

Hey guys,

So I'm sure you've all read this joke before, and I just got it again in my email this morning. Let me tell you, reading this joke with Hetalia on the brain is hilarious. So I pulled out an excerpt from the joke that really made me think of Hetalia. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!


AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead.

You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.


FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.


JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.


ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.


RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

Comments

[cookie-faerie.livejournal.com]

...lol.

I am very German, it seems... >> MAN I HATE WHEN STEREOTYPES ARE TRUE.

I'll tell my manager tomorrow I want 13 weeks of vacation, see how that goes over :D

What were the rest of the jokes?

[nikkernoodle.livejournal.com]

The rest of them were ones about Florida and California xD

13 weeks of vacation would me amazing ._.

[presiderp.livejournal.com]

LOL OH GOD.

THIS IS AMAZING.

[nikkernoodle.livejournal.com]

FFFFFFFFFFFFFF YOUR ICON *ded*

[roxasbones.livejournal.com]

I love the German and Russia ones. XDD I can see that happening.

[nikkernoodle.livejournal.com]

IKR? I died laughing when I read the Russian one. xD

[kindergraph.livejournal.com]

want to draw this

can't find tablet

:c

[nikkernoodle.livejournal.com]

*ANGSTS* ;_;

[sugaryinsanity.livejournal.com]

ROFLLLLL I LUV J00! XDDDDDD
/caps ftw

[nikkernoodle.livejournal.com]

CAPS ARE AMAZING 8D

[gaviotas.livejournal.com]

this reminds me of another joke. except i don't think anyone will get it BUT OH WELL. :DDD

there were once four scientists: an american, a german, a japanese, and a dominican.

they were all doing a very important presentation involving a rat and how it responded to command.

the american goes first, and says to the rat, "come here, rat" and the rat obeys. he then removes one of the rat's legs and repeats the process. the rat obeys.

he says, "i have concluded that even without a leg, the rat still responds to command."

the german is up next and he removes another leg. he says, "come here, rat" and the rat obeys.

he says, "i have concluded that without two legs, the rat is still capable of responding to command."

it's the japanese's turn and he removes the third leg. he says, "come here, rat" and the rat obeys.

he says, "i have concluded that without three legs, the rat is capable of responding to command."

when the dominican comes up, he removes the last leg and repeats what the last three scientists have done, except, this time, the rat doesn't respond.

he says, "i have concluded that without four legs, the rat becomes deaf and thus incapable of responding to command."

[tsuki-no-kani.livejournal.com]

*Snort* XD

I've heard a different version of that one before.

[xoxeskel.livejournal.com]

Lol, what? XD

You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead.

[insomniel.livejournal.com]

Yep, this is a lot funnier once you've read Hetalia.

[Modpost] Tangentally related

[mumumugen.livejournal.com]

Hello all,
A mod appears, etc.

I'm going to have to rain on your party, guys... but not without offering suggestions to fix this. Sorry, but merely posting country jokes is not Hetalia material.

However, seen as people seems to want to bring these up, I'll give you this: If you can add a little more to the post, give it some juice to actually relate it to Hetalia, it can stay. Make some fanart to this, or perhaps a bit more character speculation?

We're all here to have fun, so I'm rather against slamming this thread. I don't get anything out of it and neither do you, I'm sure. So let's make things relevant?

[mongtsatsa.livejournal.com]

LOL, I remember my friends telling me this. Russia and Vodka=TRUTH 8D And Germany....XDDDD

[vitalregions.livejournal.com]

...FFFFTTAHAHAHA ITALY'S.

[joey-fraser.livejournal.com]

alkshdkgsfdh t-the Japanese one XD";; Hahaha all these are SO TRUE.

Italyyyyyy. Everyone.

Because deletion is a sad fate indeed for a thread.

[meltedpeep.livejournal.com]

Crappiest doodle what ever done been crapped out by Photoshop, but durnit I've got other things to draw right now. Oh Hetalia, y so addictive?

Re: Because deletion is a sad fate indeed for a thread.

[mumumugen.livejournal.com]

Thread saved.
Everyone, thank this kind fellow.
Kind fellow, everyone owes you internets. Collect.

[whitetenchi.livejournal.com]

THIS JUST MADE MY LIFE.

[youkofujima.livejournal.com]

Thanks to meltedpeep, this post now has a valid Hetalia-related item. But please let this be a note to the OP that posts like this, unless containing something similar to what meldtedpeep has posted, is not allowed in hetalia and will be considered spam and deleted as such.

[fujiappletan.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHA. reminds me of this: http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/5680.htm

[gem-gamgee.livejournal.com]

"SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons." BEST. XD

[muishiki.livejournal.com]

this is amazing. \o/
(c-can I post more that I have due to a combination of my friends and my history teacher? 8D)

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.

[kasugai-gummie.livejournal.com]

HOLY SHIT. Can't breathe. LOL-ing too hard. These are soso amazing, holy shit. XDDD

[tickled-pink.livejournal.com]

Me + mouse = suck, but the image of Italy losing his cows(while they were probably loitering nearby) wouldn't leave me alone. xD Though, it looks more like he took the cow out for lunch. ROFL

[thepickupbear.livejournal.com]

oh my gosh that is so cute! and Italy probably would take a cow to lunch~ XD

[raineyz.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU FOR POSTING THIS. I laughed so hard wtf

[truffle.livejournal.com]

Oh lol, I'm so tempted to draw one of those now... >u>

[bipolarbliss.livejournal.com]

I...I don't get the American one -epic phail DDDx-

LOL'd at Japan tho XDDD

[kyandii-holic.livejournal.com]

"They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains."

So true, especially if you grow up in Shibuya-ku. (´Д｀)

[cakejunkie.livejournal.com]

AHAHAAAA ITALY & RUSSIA. Thanks for posting, it's really WAY funnier in connection with Hetalia.

[x-reggg.livejournal.com]

i've seen this on a poster!!! there were a lot more countries in it! sadly i didn't get the poster :(

[bubbole.livejournal.com]

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

I'M DEAD. THANKS. DGHDFUGHDUG.
*BRB BREAKING FOR LUNCH*