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hetalia2009-03-13 01:21 am
ryoku-chan.livejournal.com) wrote in hetalia2009-03-13 01:21 am
Entry tags:
[Fanfic] This Should Never Have Happened...
Title: This Should Never Have Happened...
Author: Me
Character(s): America, OOCEngland, Canada, France and mentions of others.
Pairing(s): France/OOCEngland, England/America
Rating: PG-13 for ass grabbing and implied things
Warnings: There isn't any content here. Its crack, no real point.
Summary: After hearing about a certain article from Canada, America takes a tumble down some stairs and finds himself in a bizarro past that is.....unappealing to say the least.
Edit somehow I always end up screwing it up...for those few people that might have caught this the first time, its correct now...
It was 1957 and Alfred, to say the least, was in a state of shock. He stood next to his brother in one of the many waiting rooms of the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris France, clad in a finely fitted black suit. Alfred was positive he was white as a sheet and if he had been paying attention he would have noticed that Matthew next to him didn’t look all that different.
But the trivial details of this event weren’t important. They where at a wedding and Alfred dared not look behind him in fear of fainting; for behind him and Matthew stood the bride and groom to be. That thought was enough to send Alfred reeling.
For behind them stood Francis Bonnefoy and Arthur Kirkland, soon to be Mr. and Mrs.Was that even right!?! They were both guys! Bonnefoy, and Alfred knew that if he turned around, he would see Arthur Kirkland, his secret ok so maybe it wasn’t all that secret crush in a wedding dress. Hong Kong and Vietnam had helped pick out the dress from what Alfred understood. Matthew and Alfred both had things to do on that day. Like sulk together in Alfred’s living room both cradling large alcoholic beverages. The thought was enough for a fainting session.
But the reality of the perverted Bonnefoy being married to Arthur Kirkland, his Arthur Kirkland, the two of them kissing passionately, lips pursed and tongues venturing and searching each others mou- No! Bad thoughts! Bad Thoughts!!
Alfred shook his head violently trying to get out the horrible images that where playingand developing in his mind. He had read some of Japan’s dojishi things, he had blushed like mad then too, but this was completely different! This was a real threat to his sanity! Alfred couldn’t go 20 minutes without having horrible images of the two men kissing, groping, or doing the unthinkable! This was wrong on so many levels!
Leaning over to Matthew for a moment, Alfred quietly tried to get approval from his brother.
“Did they even ask us? We’re like children, right? Don’t we get a say in this or something?” Alfred whispered, making sure the couple behind them remained oblivious to the brother’s conversation.
“Would you have been able to tell them no if they’d asked? They looked so….happy….”
The last word was spoken with a level of terror that was rarely heard coming from Matthew, and it sent a shiver down Alfred’s spine as well.
“But shouldn’t they have thought this over a bit before just diving in? They just came over one day and said they where getting married. No crush, no dating, no living together for 3 years before, no! Just ‘oh hi kids, we’re going to get married, want to be the best men?’ is that weird or is it just me? Cause I would totally not feel comfortable getting married to someone I hated for most of my life, ya know? Its just weird!” Strangely Alfred felt like Feliks for a moment.
“This is Francis we’re talking about, no relationship stats with dating. It starts with….” The statement was left unfinished, the awkward silence making clear the implications of the statement. Both brothers paled.
“….so you’re saying that one night they just decided to….” Gulp “do it…..and here we are?”
Matthew nodded slowly, his eyes averted to the ground and his cheeks burning a bright crimson.
“This is so wrong….”
Again Matthew nodded slowly.
Alfred was about to comment on how nice Vietnam looked in an attempt to clear the air when the music started to play, and the Asian pair of Vietnam and Hong Kong moved in sync towards the alter. A few moments later it was their turn to move, and Matthew and Alfred stood frozen in place. Both as white as a sheet, the moment of reckoning was upon them.
“Boys we practiced this, remember? It’s your turn to go.” whispered Arthur behind them in a voice to kind to belong to the English man.
“They’re so excited to finally see their mommy and daddy married that they’re just frozen in anticipation.” Francis chided gently. Arthur responded by laughing in a far too bubbly manner behind the two brothers.
That was enough to send them trotting behind the Asian’s if only to get away from the bride and groom to be. They both silently agreed that there was definitely something wrong with the pair when they got along. Something very, very wrong.
As Alfred and Matthew entered the main area of the church, they moved at a steadier pace, both of them concentrating on moving correctly instead of on any other aspect of the event. As the brothers reached the middle of the runway, they both noticed the small murmurs that started to ripple across the guests.
“Arthur looks so pretty! When we get married I’m going to look just as good, right Ludwig~?” Feliciano prattled off as all eyes turned to the bride and groom that Alfred knew where gaining on them.
As the brothers reached the alter they turned to look at each other, both very afraid of separating and having to face the onlookers and more importantly, the newly weds. After what looked like a pained moment, Matthew let go of his brothers hand and slunk over to where Vietnam was standing.
Taking small steps himself, Alfred moved to stand next to Hong Kong, thinking trivially to himself that he was happy not to have to be next to Vietnam – he’d opened that can of worms once, best not do it again.
In an attempt to continue not looking at the newlyweds, Alfred turned to the small Asian next to him for some sort of support.
“So this is a pretty nice church…saw it in a movie once…well it was an animated movie, so I didn’t really see the church, but the animation was really good so…” he whispered, trying to initiate the younger. Hong Kong, who was facing the pair coming up on the runway, shifted his eyes to Alfred for a moment as if to say “shut up” despite the passiveness of the action. Then the dark eyes where back to the front.
Alfred visibly frowned; he never did get Hong Kong.
It was only as Peter hopped next to Alfred that he realized the ceremony was really about to start.
It was only a little while after the Priest had started talking that Alfred dared to look at his ‘parents.’ His mouth instantly hung wide open.
The long veil was a powdery white, giving hints at the beautiful features beneath, but not really allowing complete viewing pleasure. The dress was…well…skimpy. It clung mercilessly to Arthur’s hips and slight chest curvatures and was cropped at the top so as to allow the neck and shoulder area’s to be completely visible. The dress also abruptly came to the stop far to close to the mans behind, making Alfred sure that if Arthurs hands were down, they would be longer then the garment. Alfred wondered in a bit of outrage if that could even be considered a wedding dress, looked more like something… Never mind.
The ceremony passed without incident, or at least any that Alfred could see; for he was far to busy staring. Occasionally Alfred would get a little poke from Hong Kong, and the Asian would point to his face. Alfred would quickly wipe away the droop, mumble a small ‘thanks’ and go back to staring. Alfred couldn’t be positive, but he thought it happened around 4 times.
It was as the ceremony started to come to a close that alarm bells went off in Alfred’s mind. The newlyweds where already putting on the rings and were about to kiss! That was one thing Alfred did not want to see. He had visualized it numerous times already, and did not want reality to enforce the nightmare. So in a hurry he closed his eyes.
But if only they had stayed closed…
Venturing one eye a few seconds later Alfred reeled.
Their lips where crashed together, obviously enjoying the foreplay, and Francis’s hand slowly crept down to grab at Arthur’s ass. Arthur, in turn reached up his arms to bring Francis closer, one slender leg rising up every so slightly. Then the moans started.
The whole display was too much for poor Alfred, and as he lost his balance, the world went black, the sounds still very fresh in his mind.
--
Alfred screamed and flew off of the bed, knocking into someone in the process.
“Bloody git!” Arthur roared as both he and Alfred cradled their newly aching heads.
“I tol’ you the basterd was fine! Why t’ hell’d you have to go and call me ‘ere!” bellowed the English man, obviously agitated at the unintended assault.
“I’m sorry Arthur, but he’s been calling your name the whole time…” Alfred registered that voice definitely belonged to Matthew.
“It’s not like I come runnin’ every damn time he says my name.” Arthur growled, still nursing his head.
The pulses of pain had since stopped pounding in Alfred’s head so he warily opened his eyes to look at his surroundings. Alfred was in his bed room, Arthur seated to the right of his bed, and Matthew taking a seat on the opposite side.
“Well he fell down his stairs, I was a little worried…” Matthew mumbled in an attempt to validate his call to the English man.
“Doctors said he’s be fine, but di’ you listen? No! ‘Arthur he needs you, Arthur please come.’ What the bloody hel’ Matthew! I don’t hav’ all the time in the world to come ‘ere every time Alfred trips!” Arthur had stopped holding his head now, and was glowering at the Canadian across the way.
“Sorry Arthur…” Matthew mumbled again, his eyes down cast.
“When he starts moanin’ about the damned stimulus package, then you can call me!”
Arthur was already up from his chair and making his way over to the door when Alfred quickly grabbed the older mans arm. Arthur turned slightly to face Alfred, his eyes still angry, and his mouth starting to open in protest.
He didn’t get the chance.
Alfred aggressively pulled the English man to him and their lips met. At first the kiss was forceful, but that quickly dissipated and the American quickly broke off the contact.
There was a moment of silence as the two just looked at each other for a moment, before Arthurs tongue emerged to slightly slick his lips.
“What ‘ave I been teachin’ you. This is ‘ow you do it.” And in an instant Arthur was straddling Alfred, both taking part in the sucking nibbling and exploring to the full extent of their ability with both hands and mouths.
Matthew quickly made an escape of the room mumbling that he was going to go get a drink, but the two didn’t notice. After a few moments of passion the two broke off, both gasping for air.
“Now that’s ho’ you kiss.”
America grinned childishly.
“Arthur, don’t ever change!”
--
Matthew returned to the room with a cup of coffee, only to turn back before entering. If Alfred was well enough to be moaning that loudly, Matthew wasn’t worried. With a sigh he left the American’s home, sometimes his family was just too weird.
--
Authors Note
Comments are amazing...Now I'm going to go hide in a hole some where, if you'll excuse me.
Author: Me
Character(s): America, OOCEngland, Canada, France and mentions of others.
Pairing(s): France/OOCEngland, England/America
Rating: PG-13 for ass grabbing and implied things
Warnings: There isn't any content here. Its crack, no real point.
Summary: After hearing about a certain article from Canada, America takes a tumble down some stairs and finds himself in a bizarro past that is.....unappealing to say the least.
Edit somehow I always end up screwing it up...for those few people that might have caught this the first time, its correct now...
It was 1957 and Alfred, to say the least, was in a state of shock. He stood next to his brother in one of the many waiting rooms of the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris France, clad in a finely fitted black suit. Alfred was positive he was white as a sheet and if he had been paying attention he would have noticed that Matthew next to him didn’t look all that different.
But the trivial details of this event weren’t important. They where at a wedding and Alfred dared not look behind him in fear of fainting; for behind him and Matthew stood the bride and groom to be. That thought was enough to send Alfred reeling.
For behind them stood Francis Bonnefoy and Arthur Kirkland, soon to be Mr. and Mrs.
But the reality of the perverted Bonnefoy being married to Arthur Kirkland, his Arthur Kirkland, the two of them kissing passionately, lips pursed and tongues venturing and searching each others mou- No! Bad thoughts! Bad Thoughts!!
Alfred shook his head violently trying to get out the horrible images that where playing
Leaning over to Matthew for a moment, Alfred quietly tried to get approval from his brother.
“Did they even ask us? We’re like children, right? Don’t we get a say in this or something?” Alfred whispered, making sure the couple behind them remained oblivious to the brother’s conversation.
“Would you have been able to tell them no if they’d asked? They looked so….happy….”
The last word was spoken with a level of terror that was rarely heard coming from Matthew, and it sent a shiver down Alfred’s spine as well.
“But shouldn’t they have thought this over a bit before just diving in? They just came over one day and said they where getting married. No crush, no dating, no living together for 3 years before, no! Just ‘oh hi kids, we’re going to get married, want to be the best men?’ is that weird or is it just me? Cause I would totally not feel comfortable getting married to someone I hated for most of my life, ya know? Its just weird!” Strangely Alfred felt like Feliks for a moment.
“This is Francis we’re talking about, no relationship stats with dating. It starts with….” The statement was left unfinished, the awkward silence making clear the implications of the statement. Both brothers paled.
“….so you’re saying that one night they just decided to….” Gulp “do it…..and here we are?”
Matthew nodded slowly, his eyes averted to the ground and his cheeks burning a bright crimson.
“This is so wrong….”
Again Matthew nodded slowly.
Alfred was about to comment on how nice Vietnam looked in an attempt to clear the air when the music started to play, and the Asian pair of Vietnam and Hong Kong moved in sync towards the alter. A few moments later it was their turn to move, and Matthew and Alfred stood frozen in place. Both as white as a sheet, the moment of reckoning was upon them.
“Boys we practiced this, remember? It’s your turn to go.” whispered Arthur behind them in a voice to kind to belong to the English man.
“They’re so excited to finally see their mommy and daddy married that they’re just frozen in anticipation.” Francis chided gently. Arthur responded by laughing in a far too bubbly manner behind the two brothers.
That was enough to send them trotting behind the Asian’s if only to get away from the bride and groom to be. They both silently agreed that there was definitely something wrong with the pair when they got along. Something very, very wrong.
As Alfred and Matthew entered the main area of the church, they moved at a steadier pace, both of them concentrating on moving correctly instead of on any other aspect of the event. As the brothers reached the middle of the runway, they both noticed the small murmurs that started to ripple across the guests.
“Arthur looks so pretty! When we get married I’m going to look just as good, right Ludwig~?” Feliciano prattled off as all eyes turned to the bride and groom that Alfred knew where gaining on them.
As the brothers reached the alter they turned to look at each other, both very afraid of separating and having to face the onlookers and more importantly, the newly weds. After what looked like a pained moment, Matthew let go of his brothers hand and slunk over to where Vietnam was standing.
Taking small steps himself, Alfred moved to stand next to Hong Kong, thinking trivially to himself that he was happy not to have to be next to Vietnam – he’d opened that can of worms once, best not do it again.
In an attempt to continue not looking at the newlyweds, Alfred turned to the small Asian next to him for some sort of support.
“So this is a pretty nice church…saw it in a movie once…well it was an animated movie, so I didn’t really see the church, but the animation was really good so…” he whispered, trying to initiate the younger. Hong Kong, who was facing the pair coming up on the runway, shifted his eyes to Alfred for a moment as if to say “shut up” despite the passiveness of the action. Then the dark eyes where back to the front.
Alfred visibly frowned; he never did get Hong Kong.
It was only as Peter hopped next to Alfred that he realized the ceremony was really about to start.
It was only a little while after the Priest had started talking that Alfred dared to look at his ‘parents.’ His mouth instantly hung wide open.
The long veil was a powdery white, giving hints at the beautiful features beneath, but not really allowing complete viewing pleasure. The dress was…well…skimpy. It clung mercilessly to Arthur’s hips and slight chest curvatures and was cropped at the top so as to allow the neck and shoulder area’s to be completely visible. The dress also abruptly came to the stop far to close to the mans behind, making Alfred sure that if Arthurs hands were down, they would be longer then the garment. Alfred wondered in a bit of outrage if that could even be considered a wedding dress, looked more like something… Never mind.
The ceremony passed without incident, or at least any that Alfred could see; for he was far to busy staring. Occasionally Alfred would get a little poke from Hong Kong, and the Asian would point to his face. Alfred would quickly wipe away the droop, mumble a small ‘thanks’ and go back to staring. Alfred couldn’t be positive, but he thought it happened around 4 times.
It was as the ceremony started to come to a close that alarm bells went off in Alfred’s mind. The newlyweds where already putting on the rings and were about to kiss! That was one thing Alfred did not want to see. He had visualized it numerous times already, and did not want reality to enforce the nightmare. So in a hurry he closed his eyes.
But if only they had stayed closed…
Venturing one eye a few seconds later Alfred reeled.
Their lips where crashed together, obviously enjoying the foreplay, and Francis’s hand slowly crept down to grab at Arthur’s ass. Arthur, in turn reached up his arms to bring Francis closer, one slender leg rising up every so slightly. Then the moans started.
The whole display was too much for poor Alfred, and as he lost his balance, the world went black, the sounds still very fresh in his mind.
--
Alfred screamed and flew off of the bed, knocking into someone in the process.
“Bloody git!” Arthur roared as both he and Alfred cradled their newly aching heads.
“I tol’ you the basterd was fine! Why t’ hell’d you have to go and call me ‘ere!” bellowed the English man, obviously agitated at the unintended assault.
“I’m sorry Arthur, but he’s been calling your name the whole time…” Alfred registered that voice definitely belonged to Matthew.
“It’s not like I come runnin’ every damn time he says my name.” Arthur growled, still nursing his head.
The pulses of pain had since stopped pounding in Alfred’s head so he warily opened his eyes to look at his surroundings. Alfred was in his bed room, Arthur seated to the right of his bed, and Matthew taking a seat on the opposite side.
“Well he fell down his stairs, I was a little worried…” Matthew mumbled in an attempt to validate his call to the English man.
“Doctors said he’s be fine, but di’ you listen? No! ‘Arthur he needs you, Arthur please come.’ What the bloody hel’ Matthew! I don’t hav’ all the time in the world to come ‘ere every time Alfred trips!” Arthur had stopped holding his head now, and was glowering at the Canadian across the way.
“Sorry Arthur…” Matthew mumbled again, his eyes down cast.
“When he starts moanin’ about the damned stimulus package, then you can call me!”
Arthur was already up from his chair and making his way over to the door when Alfred quickly grabbed the older mans arm. Arthur turned slightly to face Alfred, his eyes still angry, and his mouth starting to open in protest.
He didn’t get the chance.
Alfred aggressively pulled the English man to him and their lips met. At first the kiss was forceful, but that quickly dissipated and the American quickly broke off the contact.
There was a moment of silence as the two just looked at each other for a moment, before Arthurs tongue emerged to slightly slick his lips.
“What ‘ave I been teachin’ you. This is ‘ow you do it.” And in an instant Arthur was straddling Alfred, both taking part in the sucking nibbling and exploring to the full extent of their ability with both hands and mouths.
Matthew quickly made an escape of the room mumbling that he was going to go get a drink, but the two didn’t notice. After a few moments of passion the two broke off, both gasping for air.
“Now that’s ho’ you kiss.”
America grinned childishly.
“Arthur, don’t ever change!”
--
Matthew returned to the room with a cup of coffee, only to turn back before entering. If Alfred was well enough to be moaning that loudly, Matthew wasn’t worried. With a sigh he left the American’s home, sometimes his family was just too weird.
--
Authors Note
Comments are amazing...Now I'm going to go hide in a hole some where, if you'll excuse me.
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oh, where to start.
okay, you killed me dead with the vietnam bit. so historically appropriate.
I really think you captured a good brotherly dynamic between canada and us especially at the beginning. almost giggle!snorted picturing mom and dad!arthur and francis and their two darling children doing things families do....like playing monopoly and going on vacation n stuff.
win for the hunchback reference
and the promise of all my future babies for accent!arthur.
<3
lets get MARRIED MARRIED MARRIED
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shotI love that movie so much...I COULDN'T RESIST
I was so worried about the accent! I'd never really tried it before, so I'm glad it came off well!
<3
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This is so adorable! Poor America, he's such a spaz. XD And poor Canada, so put-upon! This is awfully sweet and a total pleasure to read. Thank you for sharing it. =D
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This was my first time writing both America and Canada, so I was a little worried to be honest with you. But I was happy with it, so I was sure it couldn't be that bad! I'm glad that you agree and enjoyed it!
Thank you for the lovely review!!
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I like the way you think!
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It a chore to do none the less~! But I'm glad I got the thought across well.
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