hetalia | [Fanfic] Roderich's Fever

Title: Roderich's Fever
Characters: Austria, Switzerland, Gilbert
Rating: K +5
Summary: Austria stays up too late writing scores, and winds up with a burning head.
Warning: Extreme Edelweiss.

~*~

Basch: *runs around in an apron and grabs medicine, blankets, and pillows*

Gilbert: (reading a magazine) *glances over, one eye closed from squinting at an ad* What are you doing?

Basch: Roderich's sick! *drops all of the stuff on the couch, before bustling off into the kitchen; grabs a thermometer and hurries back out to tuck Roderich in*

Roderich: *sucks on thermometer, eyes glazed*

Basch: *brushes his bangs to the side, before dipping a cloth in a cool bowl of water* What have you been doing? How did you catch this? *pulls the thermometer out of his mouth and glances at it* 102 ... *eyebrows furrow, before placing the cloth on his forehead*

Roderich: I had to... finish my song... *smiles weakly*

Basch: Roderich ... you shouldn't obsess to the point of insanity. *leans over and fluffs the extra pillows behind his head*

Roderich: Ha... But it's finished. *lifts a wobbly finger, pointing to the nightstand* See?

Basch: I'm sure it's lovely. *pushes his hand down, and covers it immediately with a blanket* You can play it for me when you're feeling better.

Roderich: Ah... when I'm better... *head rolls to the side*

Basch: *stomach twists with worry, but he remains visibly unmoved* You just sleep, now. Don't worry about a thing. I'll run the house and staff for you. (< In other words, "I'll run the house, and your staff will get the next couple of days off.")

Roderich: *smiles sleepily* Thank you, Basch. I shall... most definitely... repay you... *drifts off to a dreamless slumber*

Basch: You needn't bother. We both know you're hopeless with money and debt-- *stops and falls silent, as Roderich sleeps, before slipping out of the room and closing the door quietly behind*

{Basch, Gilbert played by albino_gil}
{Roderich played by Me}

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Um, I'm sorry to say this, but I don't think what you're posting can truly qualify as a 'fanfic'
This is a role play chat log. (as is your other posts I'm afraid)

I'm sure you can make this into a real story, but writing the characters name at each new line hardly makes this a fic.
try fleshing it out; write the surroundings in a more descriptive manner and don't use 'action' marks to show the character's movements.

There's nothing wrong with basing fics on what you and your friend might have role played, but this can't really qualify as a fic yet. You could try to re-write what you wrote in a story format, it would make it much more pleasant to read and it would look a lot more like a real story than an msn conversation.

There is potential and I'm sure you and your friend have good grasp of the characters – so keep improving and good luck! :)

This.

Not sure if I'm the best one to remark on this since I've never dealt with roleplay before, but I feel a bit of a need to stand up for the format that these authors have chosen to use in all their entries. While fanfic is written in traditional prose the vast majority of the time, I get a stage play vibe from the writers' stories, and I think that's an interesting form to explore. And if done with care- just as valid a choice for fandom creative writing. There's certainly some critiquing I'd like to do here, though this comment's not really the time.

I hope I don't seem off my rocker, but that comment struck me as a little harsh.

Thank you for offering your opinion on the matter. :) We'd love to read any of your critiquing on this post, or others.

One of the reasons I did comment was because I noticed they had used such a format in so many of their works.
I do role play a lot myself (both forum style and a little over msn) and thus to me this seemed just like the chat logs.

I'm afraid I seem to abide by 'rules' on places like fanfic.net. and I know they don't really aprove of fics written in a roleplay/stage play format. However, I did not mean to offend them in any way. and I'm sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings.
obviously there are many ways to write (it's what makes it all so fun to do)
I just don't personally see this as a 'fanfic' format. however, I might be mistaken and for that I apologise

Interesting critique, thank you. :)
As ithinkithought stated, it's just the form we've chosen to use. We could all argue about proper formatting 'til we're blue in the face, but I'm not going to discredit script/stage style as a valid form of fanfic. It works for us, and that's how we're exploring characters right now. (We do have fleshed out blurbs too, by the by, but haven't posted them yet.) Again, thank you for voicing your opinion.

I know there are many different form of writing, and I often RP via chat boxes and MSN - and I do like re-reading those RP's. so I don't necessarily think it's a bad format - each to it's use.
and I will definitively agree it's a perfect way to explore a characters reaction and personality.

I know I 'abide' by the 'rules' given on ff.net, but I do understand those don't exactly carry on over to LJ. I just have to admit I personally wouldn't think of this as a fanfic, but definitively as a research and exploration as one. it's certainly quite fun to read how the two of you play each of the characters (and seemingly quite a wide arrange of them if your others posts are anything to go by)
I hope I haven’t offended you - that was not my intention.
Agree to disagree perhaps?
:)

albino_gil and I will continue to play with the characters through this style, and eventually post our fleshed-out blurbs as well, yes. Agree to disagree. :) Thanks so much for your input; your feedback/thoughts are most welcome here, as well as other posts.

I'll be looking forward to seeing the fleshed out stories then!

[Fanfic] Roderich's Fever

some constructive critisism

^

Re: some constructive critisism

Re: some constructive critisism

Re: some constructive critisism

Re: some constructive critisism

Re: some constructive critisism

Re: some constructive critisism

Re: some constructive critisism

no subject