hetalia | FanFic: Beautiful Nights, Part Two

Title: Beautiful Nights, Part Two
Author/Artist: ME (returned from the dead!)
Character(s) or Pairing(s): Belarus/Lithuania with some allusion of America/Belarus and Russia/Belarus as well as some mentions of Poland.
Rating: PG to PG13 depending on your own thoughts
Warnings: Angsty? Belarus portrayed more human-like
Summary: Belarus centric/POV. Long winter walks at night have a strange effect on people. Here's part one: community.livejournal.com/hetalia/8788569.html

Hey guys. So I have to apologize a ton for posting way late for this. By two weeks... Sorry, my saxophone and I have been pretty busy so I didn't get as much consistent time to write this ^^;. It's a little longer than the last part, oddly enough. I hope not to disappoint!

The autumn had come. It had burst through my doors long before I had even noticed the spring and summer greens. It was the oranges, the gold, and the reds that had attracted my attention. Never before had I thought as much about this season. It had been a common, boring season that came before my favorite. It was then, that I asked myself, why had I never paid it the same mind? Stepping my way down a nature-ridden, river side road, I could no longer keep my thoughts from lingering back to our walks through empty, ice covered streets. Even though, this was so much different.

There were no empty voices or darkened skies. No, there was the sound of the world and the glinting late afternoon sun. Glancing at the sky, it was like seeing a pale blue canvas touched with fading oranges and yellows for the first time in my life. Oh to think how much of my life had been in those floating, never ending skies. Each of those passing days, years, centuries were merely never landing planes, never to know when, where, or if they landed. No, that was a lie. My skies were not this kind of painting.

And regardless of anything else that could have been on my subconscious, I had begun asking myself the same question over and over again: What would these walks have been like for the two of us? Would my attitude remain its usual frozen tone, or would it have changed to match this weather. Was that possible for me? Could I ever melt the frost around my heart? Such questions were not helping my already troubled mind. They were truly the last thing I needed now. And yet, you were still there. You were there with me, walking by my side, beaming from the colors to my puzzled face. You were there in my mind and my mind alone. After all, I did not need you there with me. I had….

I stopped. The river. I had the river with its own conversation and its own autumn clothing. It wore its leaves like beautiful crowns, each one floating to another world, another place. Each just as shocking in color as the last. I was fascinated none the less. With each new brightly fashioned crown, the louder the river noise seemed to become. It whispered words to me. It told me so many things that I simply could not understand. It was trying to tell me something important! I knew that had to be it….

What was wrong with me?

Was I truly this insane? I almost laughed out loud when that thought donned on me. Everyone did believe that, didn’t they? Belarus was, after all, the insane woman, with a hideous, blind-folded love, and all with a knife in hand. She could not see just how horrible her feelings were, you see. She needed to wake up and give up. But you could not say that to her face! Oh, no. She would cut your throat if you even dared! Ah yes, you cannot forget “Let’s get married!” Yes, that seemed about right. For the most part, at least.

I had shaken my head to clear my subconscious of such troubling thoughts and in turn grasped a newly fallen orange crown from the pavement for myself to hold, to examine. Walking onto the decaying grasses of the river bed, I knew this breathless plant it was nothing like what I’ve grown up hearing was beautiful. It was large in size but not bright gold and green. It was not my own piece of the sun. Green was the color of life, and this treasure was browning with death. Twirling it by the lifeless stem, my eyes had lingered on where you would have stood with me.

Perhaps you would have not looked as pitiful without that stupid coat or those monstrous gloves. Perhaps these colors would have given you the false appeal that you were not wallowing in your own pain and suffering, as much as you tried and grasped out to escape it. It was meaningless to try wasn’t, my dear? We were both drowning in this river. It was an interesting thought. But we were and we were grasping out to one another for support and help. Perhaps you were lower, weighed in troubles or it was I by madness.

Was this what the river was telling me? Was this its way of crying out for someone to swim through the ice that was beginning to incase the surface? To save the lives of those wallowing beneath the currents? The river’s rushes began to grow deafening louder with each passing second. Was it too late for me? Was it too early for you? Was there merely not enough time for the two of us? Blaring jets and gushes of noise was beginning encasing the rest of the sounds and voices of the world.

You were not making it easier for me to survive this plunge. You with your stupid, small optimism. I had begun to tear bits of the leaf in bitter anger with each “insult” I mentally threw in your face. Your stupid kindness, with your idiotic way of helping people, and horrid way of accepting people regardless of their faults. Disgusting! Louder and louder that river had become. Not to mention that pathetic way of how people thought highly of you or how you always seemed to find the good in someone. I barely heard my enraged, cracked fury. The way you had always come back to me, even after broken limbs, cold stares, frosted replies or threats with a knife. How you swore to your friend that I had a heart to offer to you. Deafening noise and hardly a leaf left! Your pathetic lies that I should have never believed! And I-! I… Louder! Louder! There was nothing else to even hear! Pounding noise! Endless confusion and destruction! And to think that I-! I…

I did not deserve someone like you to care.

The moment it struck me, the remaining stem fell into the water, carried by a wind. With it, the deafening river fell back into its peaceful bliss.

What could I possibly have…? You were always his favorite. Come to think of it, you were many people’s favorite, weren’t you? What did I have to live up to you anyway?

“Miss Belarus?”

It was you. How you were there or where you had come from, I never thought to ask. How long had I been standing there anyway? Hours? Or maybe it was days? I just couldn’t tell anymore. It seemed like that setting sun had been lasting for all eternity. Yet, the night had fallen without a warning or a notice. Interesting. Those nights really were only for us, weren’t they? That auburn coat maybe didn’t make you look pathetic, but it neither did it improve your structure. Hands in pockets, your expression was perhaps just as surprised, if not more, than my own. I prayed my eyes did not betray me to express my inner curiosity.

You were shuffling something around within your jacket. I pretended not to care. What was for me to notice? My attention was turned back to the river. We were drowning within it you know. Did you know that? But we could save each other. If I didn’t hate you so much….

“It’s been a while,” you said to me. Your voice was still scratched with the chill of winter in my ears. “I didn’t believe it was you when I first saw you here.”

Did you make that up? I wanted so painfully to ask, but by the way your eyes shifted away and back to my face every few seconds, I had to ask something to cure these many questions prodding my brain. Something with the same meaning in different words, perhaps?

“What did you really think?” I asked, keeping my chilled complexion intact. Winter simply could not leave us, could it?

You were silent, shifting nervously from one foot to the other; eyes directed to a thousand other places within ten seconds. Whatever you were so occupied with, it was juggling in your hidden hand.

“A-ah, well….” You swallowed. You were beginning to lose yourself again. “Well, y-you’ve been coming here for days it seems. I noticed but…I didn’t want to bother you.” So it really had been days? That’s what I was doing? I just could not remember…. “U-um, you look very pretty in that dress! A-and your coat is very nice too!”

Both of which were black, such a contrast to these wondrous colors around us. In my frustration I asked you the same question again. You were avoiding me! Yet, to my surprise, you took a breath and answered:

“I, well…. Your birthday was two months ago, wasn’t it?”I nodded. I believed I knew what was coming: some sort of fabulous present that you really couldn’t afford, all in the name of love. You were full of positive surprises that day, weren’t you? “I got you this.” Finally, your hands retreated from your pockets and revealed a small box. “I know it’s not nearly good enough for someone so wonderful like you, but I want you to have it.” You smiled.

Not good enough for me? Wonderful? You fool, what would you had done if you knew what had right there? I took it none the less. And you, with an expression waiting for an earthquake, looked immediately away, towards the blackened river, still ever so slightly alive by the street lamps. Upon opening that box, I can remember vividly my eyes widening and trying to keep that creeping smile off of my face. However, whether it was out of joy or anger, I have long forgotten.

“You’ve really been making me wonder, you know.” I answered, voice still clinging desperately to its usual cold exterior. Your head snapped to me, those previously dropping emeralds now bright and filled with hope.

Inside that small, worn box, obviously used before, was a necklace. A pendant made of metal, wrapped in the shape of a butterfly with wings made of bright orange amber. Honestly, I had expected a ribbon or a knife. Not that I don’t enjoy those things, but this was a…interesting change. Holding it by the chain, I lifted it from the box, letting the street light reflect off. From the corner of my outwardly stern eyes, I could see your pleading, hoping ones. What did you expect of my reaction at that moment?

“I-it’s, um, Baltic amber,” I heard you mumble. “I hope that’s alright….”

I was silent for many minutes, simply staring at this gift. Such a strange offer really. A butterfly? As if I had not heard your statement, I asked you why the insect was your choice. You told me it was because both butterflies and I were very pretty and I reminded you of one. I had never thought of anything like that before about myself. To my own inner amusement I told myself it was because butterflies are useless once they got their wings a little wet. I doubted the thought ever crept near that thick skull of yours. You continued babbling on about uninteresting things, over and over. Something about wanting to please me, something about wanting to bring a smile to my face.

“Lithuania.” You jumped at the sound of your name, being spoken from my lips. “You really did not need to give me anything.”

“Oh! But I wanted to, Miss Belarus.” Your expression dropped. “If you don’t like it… it’s fine. Just please keep it.”

No it was not whether or not I liked your gift. Personally, I was intrigued by the different birthday present. But I could never tell you that. I just couldn’t. I also did not want the thing. How could I accept something I was both confused and repulsed by? No. It was not the actual trinket itself, but the motive behind it. It was given not because it was asked of or even required. Above all you had the decency, the nerve to care. How could you remember such a boring, not to mention uneventful date? Even with all of these unanswered questions, I still had the idiotic motive to ask you one strange, and surprising question that puzzled myself:

“Will you walk with me?”

The pure shock you wore was to be expected. It was something you very much wanted to say ‘yes’ to but at the same time was weary about. You had hidden your hands in those pockets again and looked at the multi-colored trees. While you contemplated your thoughts, everything had begun to pile up inside my mind. Those colors, that amber, and the color I could never pin you as. It was then I believed I was beginning to grasp what you have become in these recent years. You let out a long exhale and offered me your arm.

Ah yes, that all too familiar picture had been painted once more. But- where was the ice? The snow? The chilling air? The heartbroken stares and frosted eyes? What had truly changed? What was different on the inside? The silence was still worse than that blasted river had been. I wanted to throw us both into that torture device right then and there. To think that perhaps the other one or even my beloved would have something to say, to break this silence worse than death.

“I don’t understand.” I had spoken, without my own recollection no doubt. You made an odd gesture with your shoulder to show you were listening to every word that would come from me. “What on earth is wrong with me…?”

There I was again, pretending I could not feel your actions as your arms tightened around mine. You wanted to say so many things didn’t you? Why couldn’t you just say it? Why?!

“Nothing at all,” you whispered. “I think you’re perfect.”

As much as I wanted to break my legs and wrench away, I could not. My soul was too cold to be away from the small, barely heated one you had left. Even in the autumn, we were still so cold….

“You’re a fool. How could you even say something so idiotic?” I knew I had begun to crack. My composure was beginning to suffer again.

I heard the tiny grin in your answer, it made my stomach turn in disgust, “You know why. But, I don’t feel shame in saying it again.” Those evil, evil words. “I love you.”

Stupid boy. You could not have made me want to strangle you anymore than that moment. Even as my fingers and begun to crush your arm, we carried on. I wondered how we would have appeared to anyone had they passed us. Romantic? An average couple? Two pitiful people? I hardly had the heart to care.

From the corner of my eye, I examined your facial features. They were beginning to reflect the tired and broken ones from those months prior. My eyes directed towards falling leaves, rather than snow that time. I asked if you had been smoking again. You told me no, to which I knew you were lying. We truly did need to give up on human things such as that. I then asked if you had visited that restaurant again. You lied once more. Typical of you to try and tell me things you prayed I would believe. Anything for Belarus, right? Anything for the darling Natalia.

The final and bonus question surfaced in my mind. By the way you tensed, I supposed you knew what was going to come. My lips hardly opened at all, but they formed the question asking whether or not you had thought of my tears or the last time we had walked together in spite of ourselves. You broke.

“I’m very, very sorry about that. I didn’t mean to do anything to make you cr-upset.” You choked on that last word. Oh, I knew what you were going to say. In turn, you were staring at me with the same heartbroken expression you had given to me on more than one of those winter nights. I turned to you, fingers fiddling with the necklace in my coat pocket. You did nothing wrong but exist. “I should have never questioned you…. I didn’t have the right to assume anything.” It wasn’t your fault. “I’m deeply sorry.”

Your head fell and you began rambling off I guessed were Lithuanian words to calm yourself down while your legs picked up the pace. Can’t have you cry in front of me again could we? Was that it? Of course it was.

I examined your tangled hair. “Shut up.” You flinched. Don’t say that. “What gives you the right to apologize?” Confusion took over every movement you had. “It was my own thoughts that did that. Not your words.” Each sentenced was clipped.

It was then your head rose, expression trying desperately to hold back the complete and utter joy brimming through you. I could feel it. I could feel it as easily as I could feel your depression and aches. You whispered, just above the volume of a thought, that you needed to apologize for your wrongs. What wrongs, you idiot? All you’ve ever done is make me miserable and confused. I’m sure that truly means nothing.

“You don’t understand.” Your voice was stronger. “No, you don’t get it. You make me happy. Happier than when I am with anyone else.” Could have fooled me. “I don’t care what you say; I only see the good in you.” You were grinning.

My eyes had widened. This was both pathetic and at the same time, heart-wrenching for me. To be blinded by something you could never have…. You monster. You horrible man! Why did you have to say that! My mind was twisting. We were far too similar in the end! It was burning! Your core, why did it have to be so like them and touch mine as well? Why? Why was it that in our emotional, our mental state we finally clasped hands to one another in the abyss of water? Were not saving one another. We were merely suspending ourselves in the depths. It seemed more like we would drown forever, together, just the two of us. We were wrapped in each other’s inner pleas for the surface. To breathe for the first time in so many years…. No. Instead, it was becoming more along the lines that we would drown for all eternity you and I.

How could I only feel the need to take you with me? No one else deserved or was already with me, for that matter? If you were so like them, why was it my darling still gasped at the surface and the other stood proudly in the shallows? Why was it only we endured the cold together while they could take it on their own? So many questions. Yet, at the same time, perhaps there were many answers. Above all there was one we both knew in mind and soul. We had need. We needed someone, something there to reach out and lie that everything would be ok. That even in the toughest of situations, the broken pieces could be mended together once more. Even if we would deny it to the grave. It seemed like all those years all I ever truly wanted was love. Love was something I believed no one could offer me unless it was from my precious family. Even if I frightened them, they had to have felt some sort of compassion, right? Right? Right?!

“You’re just as horrible as I am.” I whispered to what really seemed like nothing. For you see, I had begun to doubt what was reality and what was my own restless dreams and thoughts. “Absolutely insane.”

You laughed, with actual warmth that startled me. “Even if that’s true,” your voice was indeed sounding stronger then; not only that but warmer as well, “we can be insane together.” Those eyes. They were reflecting those horrid summers you had. And then, for some reason, I half- nodded. “Absolutely insane.” You half-heartily laughed after you repeated my words for what was counting up to be a million times. “Yes, that seems about right, isn’t it?”

We continued walking until we reached that pitiful apartment I was still calling a home. You held your tongue about my brother that time. Good. You were learning. Such a warped mentality I had then. I hardly noticed the smile you wore underneath those comforting eyes. With it, I took little attention to the soft, hesitant kiss you left on the ribbon I was wearing. With one last look, you turned and left once more. There were no tears for me to shed this time, no pitiful ways to calm me. Just a soft, delicate sink into one another, a mental, rather than physical, embrace. I hope you’re happy, because the frost around me, my own ice about my heart, burns as it melts ever so slightly.

Thanks for reading! Also- debating on a third part, what do you think?

FanFic: Beautiful Nights, Part Two

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