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hetalia2010-06-18 11:42 pm
fivedayslater.livejournal.com) wrote in hetalia2010-06-18 11:42 pm
Entry tags:
[Fic] World Cup Crack
Title: Ultimate Football/Soccer Showdown
Author: Me, unfortunately.
Characters: England, America, New Zealand, OC!Vuvuzela. Prussia, Spain, Greece, France, and Australia for half a second, and mentions of Germany and Italy.
Warnings: Pure, unadulterated crack. Or at least, a completely ridiculous concept.
Summary: A completely logical explanation as to what has been happening to this World Cup.
Notes: He's not the personification of South Africa, he's the personification of Vuvuzelas. Yes those vuvuzelas. It's completely within Hetalian logic to personify instruments...I think.
“N-no,” England panted as he fell to his knees, “There’s nothing more…I can’t…” Spain, France, and Germany were already lying in defeat not too far away. America was in the same condition as him, conscious but barely standing, unable to do anything but watch as this new opponent did what he pleased over their defeated bodies.
“You bastard!” the American was able to bark, “Don’t you even have anything to say for yourself?”
“America, no!” but it was too late. He turned those dark, soulless eyes towards them, opened his mouth, and…
“BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.”
The walls shook as Vuvuzela continued his unending assault, causing the walls to shake and the very fabric of time and space to distort themselves. America and England covered their ears, but it was a futile effort. Nothing they could do could stop that sound that had already destroyed everything they’ve ever known from penetrating their meager defenses.
This is it, England thought, after everything we’ve been through…to have it end like this… he glanced over and saw his thoughts plastered across America’s face.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a football soared through the air, hitting Vuvuzela smack in the face, shutting him up, for now at least.
“What the…” both he and America turned to see someone stepping through the cracks in the stadium walls caused by Vuvuzela’s last attack, sheep following not too far behind.
“C-Canada?!” America stared in awe. The figure slumped in a fit of depression.
“Idiot! That’s not Canada!” the newest intrusion looked up, surprised but glad that England recognized him, “It’s clearly Australia,” only to sink back into his depression.
“It’s me! New Zealand!” he declared, “Remember? England you raised me! And America, you made all those movies at my house!”
“Oh yeah…” they said in unison.
By this time, Vuvuzela recovered and stood to glare at his new opponent.
“Oh no,” England grit out as America shifted slightly to take a defensive position, wincing as he did so.
Vuvuzela took a deep breath and exhaled the loudest “BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ” yet, this time forcing the former superpower to his knees as the wall of sound headed straight for New Zealand.
“New Zealand!” England shouted as his former colony was hit head on, thinking the little guy didn’t stand a chance. As the smoke and dust of the attack cleared though, New Zealand was still standing, perfectly unharmed.
“Is that all you got?” he smirked as his sheep coughed up another football, “My turn,” New Zealand pulled his foot back and delivered a mighty kick, sending the ball once again at Vuvuzela’s face.
“You can’t keep changing the fabric of destiny to serve your whims, just because you can!” the nation declared as the sheep coughed up yet another ball for him, “This is everyone’s world, and we have to share it!” Vuvuzela glared and took another deep breath, only to be stopped by a football to the face, “You can’t do this, no…I won’t let you do this!” Another football led to another swift kick to the face.
This time, however, Vuvuzela was able to stop it with an unholy “BZZ” and send it flying New Zealand’s way at a speed that would surely take the island nation out.
“No!” America managed to jump in front of the ball, catching it with the last of his strength and saving the other nation before collapsing back into the dirt.
“America!” England and New Zealand shouted.
“New Zealand…” he pant out, “you have to…stop…him…” America closed his eyes and knew no more.
The last nations standing bowed their heads. “Don’t worry America,” New Zealand muttered, “I will.”
Vuvuzela, during all of this, turned his attention to the completely defenseless England.
“Go ahead, twat,” England smirked, annoying until the end, “do your worst.”
“England no!” New Zealand shouted as Vuvuzela took a final deep breath, preparing the attack that would finally finish off the great United Kingdom once and for all.
Thinking quickly, New Zealand grabbed the football America dropped when he fell and placed it by his feet. He brought his foot back behind him and kicked it forward as hard as he could. This time it hit Vuvuzela in the stomach, winding him once and for all and forcing him to collapse on the dirt in front of England. New Zealand swiftly launched another football at his head, which was followed up by his sheep brutally head-butting the same exact spot until the great evil that was Vuvuzela exploded in a bright light.
Everything that had happened finally caught up with England and he collapsed into the dirt.
“England!” New Zealand shouted as he ran forward to catch his mentor, “England! Are you okay?”
“Yes,” England panted out, “I’m alright…but, the others…” he glanced around the field, eyes lingering on America’s lifeless form.
“They’ll be okay,” New Zealand assured him, “Relax, England…you can sleep now. In the morning, this may all be just a bad dream…”
***
“And that’s why I tied,” England finished explaining, “because the very fabric of the world is being disrupted.”
“Ha!” America laughed, “I think someone’s just making excuses for their horrible performance today.”
“The limey’s gotta point!” Prussia slurred from his seat at the bar, “I’s the only way we coulda…coulda…” he slumped forward in a new fit of tears as Spain tried ineffectually to cheer him up.
“England, you’re being ridiculous,” Greece stated, “sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. It’s just the way of life, I mean look at France,” he nodded towards the nation who was currently passed out on Spain’s other side for the second time in as many nights, “he was at the final with Italy last time, and this time, well…”
“But that’s my bloody point!” England banged the table, “The only reason all of us decent teams are losing to wankers like the rest of you is because-”
“Oh pipe down old man,” America shouted at him, more than a little tipsy, “It’s the Year of the Underdogs, and you’re just gonna hafta live with that. Besides…New Zealand? Really?” The nations at the bar looked over to where the island was sitting at a booth in the back with his wasted brother.
“Australia…you’re going to have to get over that,” he was saying.
“4-0…it's pathetic,” the Aussie muttered into his arm.
“You have a game tomorrow…please snap out of it…”
The nations turned back to face England, who shrugged.
“Hey, it could happen.”
A/N: Vuvuzelas on wiki, for those of you still not in the know. France, Spain, and Germany are mentioned in the beginning because, well, they lost! Although to be fair to Germany, he was defeated by the personification of Bad Ref. Spain and France have no such excuse. America and England tied, which is why they can remain standing.
Why New Zealand? Why not? Seriously, why doesn't New Zealand have a tag?
Author: Me, unfortunately.
Characters: England, America, New Zealand, OC!Vuvuzela. Prussia, Spain, Greece, France, and Australia for half a second, and mentions of Germany and Italy.
Warnings: Pure, unadulterated crack. Or at least, a completely ridiculous concept.
Summary: A completely logical explanation as to what has been happening to this World Cup.
Notes: He's not the personification of South Africa, he's the personification of Vuvuzelas. Yes those vuvuzelas. It's completely within Hetalian logic to personify instruments...I think.
“N-no,” England panted as he fell to his knees, “There’s nothing more…I can’t…” Spain, France, and Germany were already lying in defeat not too far away. America was in the same condition as him, conscious but barely standing, unable to do anything but watch as this new opponent did what he pleased over their defeated bodies.
“You bastard!” the American was able to bark, “Don’t you even have anything to say for yourself?”
“America, no!” but it was too late. He turned those dark, soulless eyes towards them, opened his mouth, and…
“BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.”
The walls shook as Vuvuzela continued his unending assault, causing the walls to shake and the very fabric of time and space to distort themselves. America and England covered their ears, but it was a futile effort. Nothing they could do could stop that sound that had already destroyed everything they’ve ever known from penetrating their meager defenses.
This is it, England thought, after everything we’ve been through…to have it end like this… he glanced over and saw his thoughts plastered across America’s face.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a football soared through the air, hitting Vuvuzela smack in the face, shutting him up, for now at least.
“What the…” both he and America turned to see someone stepping through the cracks in the stadium walls caused by Vuvuzela’s last attack, sheep following not too far behind.
“C-Canada?!” America stared in awe. The figure slumped in a fit of depression.
“Idiot! That’s not Canada!” the newest intrusion looked up, surprised but glad that England recognized him, “It’s clearly Australia,” only to sink back into his depression.
“It’s me! New Zealand!” he declared, “Remember? England you raised me! And America, you made all those movies at my house!”
“Oh yeah…” they said in unison.
By this time, Vuvuzela recovered and stood to glare at his new opponent.
“Oh no,” England grit out as America shifted slightly to take a defensive position, wincing as he did so.
Vuvuzela took a deep breath and exhaled the loudest “BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ” yet, this time forcing the former superpower to his knees as the wall of sound headed straight for New Zealand.
“New Zealand!” England shouted as his former colony was hit head on, thinking the little guy didn’t stand a chance. As the smoke and dust of the attack cleared though, New Zealand was still standing, perfectly unharmed.
“Is that all you got?” he smirked as his sheep coughed up another football, “My turn,” New Zealand pulled his foot back and delivered a mighty kick, sending the ball once again at Vuvuzela’s face.
“You can’t keep changing the fabric of destiny to serve your whims, just because you can!” the nation declared as the sheep coughed up yet another ball for him, “This is everyone’s world, and we have to share it!” Vuvuzela glared and took another deep breath, only to be stopped by a football to the face, “You can’t do this, no…I won’t let you do this!” Another football led to another swift kick to the face.
This time, however, Vuvuzela was able to stop it with an unholy “BZZ” and send it flying New Zealand’s way at a speed that would surely take the island nation out.
“No!” America managed to jump in front of the ball, catching it with the last of his strength and saving the other nation before collapsing back into the dirt.
“America!” England and New Zealand shouted.
“New Zealand…” he pant out, “you have to…stop…him…” America closed his eyes and knew no more.
The last nations standing bowed their heads. “Don’t worry America,” New Zealand muttered, “I will.”
Vuvuzela, during all of this, turned his attention to the completely defenseless England.
“Go ahead, twat,” England smirked, annoying until the end, “do your worst.”
“England no!” New Zealand shouted as Vuvuzela took a final deep breath, preparing the attack that would finally finish off the great United Kingdom once and for all.
Thinking quickly, New Zealand grabbed the football America dropped when he fell and placed it by his feet. He brought his foot back behind him and kicked it forward as hard as he could. This time it hit Vuvuzela in the stomach, winding him once and for all and forcing him to collapse on the dirt in front of England. New Zealand swiftly launched another football at his head, which was followed up by his sheep brutally head-butting the same exact spot until the great evil that was Vuvuzela exploded in a bright light.
Everything that had happened finally caught up with England and he collapsed into the dirt.
“England!” New Zealand shouted as he ran forward to catch his mentor, “England! Are you okay?”
“Yes,” England panted out, “I’m alright…but, the others…” he glanced around the field, eyes lingering on America’s lifeless form.
“They’ll be okay,” New Zealand assured him, “Relax, England…you can sleep now. In the morning, this may all be just a bad dream…”
***
“And that’s why I tied,” England finished explaining, “because the very fabric of the world is being disrupted.”
“Ha!” America laughed, “I think someone’s just making excuses for their horrible performance today.”
“The limey’s gotta point!” Prussia slurred from his seat at the bar, “I’s the only way we coulda…coulda…” he slumped forward in a new fit of tears as Spain tried ineffectually to cheer him up.
“England, you’re being ridiculous,” Greece stated, “sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. It’s just the way of life, I mean look at France,” he nodded towards the nation who was currently passed out on Spain’s other side for the second time in as many nights, “he was at the final with Italy last time, and this time, well…”
“But that’s my bloody point!” England banged the table, “The only reason all of us decent teams are losing to wankers like the rest of you is because-”
“Oh pipe down old man,” America shouted at him, more than a little tipsy, “It’s the Year of the Underdogs, and you’re just gonna hafta live with that. Besides…New Zealand? Really?” The nations at the bar looked over to where the island was sitting at a booth in the back with his wasted brother.
“Australia…you’re going to have to get over that,” he was saying.
“4-0…it's pathetic,” the Aussie muttered into his arm.
“You have a game tomorrow…please snap out of it…”
The nations turned back to face England, who shrugged.
“Hey, it could happen.”
A/N: Vuvuzelas on wiki, for those of you still not in the know. France, Spain, and Germany are mentioned in the beginning because, well, they lost! Although to be fair to Germany, he was defeated by the personification of Bad Ref. Spain and France have no such excuse. America and England tied, which is why they can remain standing.
Why New Zealand? Why not? Seriously, why doesn't New Zealand have a tag?
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PLEASE.
HAVE MY CHILDREN. BECAUSE. I LOVE YOU. SO. GODDAMN. HARD. FOR. THIS.
AND YES TO KIWISDJFKLJ I LOVE YOU
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Thank you! I appreciate your capslock! :D
Kiwi hero ftw!
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:>
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I may have just wanted to use the iconno subject
FFFFFFT <3no subject
This couldn't have been better timed, my friends and I were just discussing the vuvuzela and its "BZZZZZZ" earlier.
And then this.
AND THEN THE KIWI IS THE HERO.
This has made my night *u*
Thank you for this gorgeousness.
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It's all part of their plan...those sneaky vuvuzelas...
Of course he is! New Zealand for World Cup Champions! XP
Glad I could help. :D
You're welcome.
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By the time you get back to your normal icon, I'll be too used to this one, and I won't recognize it! How ironic would that be?no subject
Very. You also might want to hope USA wins the whole thing, because as soon as he's out, I'm switching to Italy...just a heads up. :Pno subject
Ahem, I was already rooting for him. Don't think I'm not patriotic. :Pno subject
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It haunts my dreams!!!!!!!!
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aaaaaaaaagh the sheep *A*This has made my day so much. Thank you.
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Psh, you know it's a secret badass. XDYou're welcome. :)
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(or why AWESOME crack!fics make perfect sense to a sleep deprived brain)
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(Testing is still being done on that one. XP)
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and yes NZ deserves a tag!
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So does...if Mongolia has a tag, I don't see why New Zealand can't have one...
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ILU SO.FREAKIN.DAMN.MUCH for that. XD
That's not only the explanation for everything but also the reason why this so will be New Zealand's year! XD
(I still have my bets on NZ vs SK... XD)
*pats Iggy*
Don't worry, Arthur... I believe you. XD
I was missing Lili somehow, though... XD
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Yes! They're going all the way this time! XD
(The way this has been going, that's good money. XD)
We'll see how he does on...Tuesday I think? :D
She's in the background...waiting for her chance to make her brother win...like a ninja...XD
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I love you for comparing New Zealand to Canada.
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I'd <3 it if that actually becomes canon. They could sit in the corner at meetings and gossip about everyone else. XD
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Canada and New Zealand are always forgotten. New Zealand more than Canada! Also, parts of Canada look like New Zealand soooo...
I think Canada+America and Australia+New Zealand would be half brothers (sister? I can't even tell with what Himaruya drew. I'm gonna assume NZ is male). Canada and NZ can be the forgotten duo. They need a third (preferably part of the commonwealth) and we can have a trio XD.
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OMFG that's awesome. ^_^
Go New Zealand and the sheep! I loved NZ being mistaken for Canada as well. I guess England and America forgot Canada didn't qualify for the cup this year. XD
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Thank you!
So my headcannon. Australia probably thinks Canada is New Zealand. XD He'll soooo be there next year! Just wait and see. xD
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Sport-wise Australia and NZ teams see each other fairly regularly, especially with the shared sport tournaments they have (stuff like the Super 14 (rugby), NRL (league), soccer, netball, basketball, etc). I could picture them arguing over whose teams are going to win on the weekend. Loser pays for the beer. XD