[fanfic} How to Lose a Guy in 21 Days (9/?)

[the-new-thing.livejournal.com]

Title: How to Lose a Guy in 21 Days (chapter 9)
Author: the_new_thing
Characters/Pairings: America, Russia, England, France (main). RussiaxAmerica, EnglandxAmerica (one-sided, sort of), PrussiaxAustria.
Rating: This chapter, PG-13.
Summary: Arthur realises he's made an uber-mistake breaking up with Alfred when Al hooks up with Russia. England enlists the help of an unlikely ally (France, to be more specific) to break-up the new couple and win back his boyfriend.
Chapter Nine:  An insight into the lives of some of our most beloved characters as we sneak a peek into their diaries. France and England bond at the hospital, and take their plan to its final stage.
Previous chapters: 
1.  http://community.livejournal.com/hetalia/3404756.html#cutid1
2.  http://community.livejournal.com/hetalia/3447967.html#cutid1
3. http://community.livejournal.com/hetalia/3499441.html#cutid1 (locked)
4. http://community.livejournal.com/hetalia/3548373.html#cutid1
5. http://community.livejournal.com/hetalia/3634715.html#cutid1
6. http://community.livejournal.com/hetalia/3881986.html#cutid1
7. http://community.livejournal.com/hetalia/3996124.html#cutid1
8. http://community.livejournal.com/hetalia/4092217.html#cutid1

Chapter Nine:

A/N: OK, here’s the situation: I’m back at university, and am likely to be very busy indeed over the next few weeks especially. It is exceptionally unlikely that updates will come more frequently than weekly from now on. Thankfully, this fanfic is kind of moving into its final section, and after this, there’ll probably be a maximum of four more chapters.

Chapter Nine: Dear Diary, Mood: Apathetic

Friday 14^th November, Warsaw

I’m, like, totally bugging about this conference. It’s in literally a week and I’m so unready. It’s, like, completely not my fault if whenever I sit down to start doing work, The Hills comes on. That is like seriously the best show on TV. For real.

OMG, Feli came over the other day, and I was showing him how awesome My Super Sweet 16 is, and he started talking about his new bf. Him and Germany are, like, official now. It’s totes adorable, right, diary? I know you agree with me. Those two are so cute.

I only wish my boyfriend was as awesome as Feli. I mean, I love Liet. Like, I think I’m in love with him. And he’s been acting really weird for like two weeks now. In fact, he’s been really mopey and pathetic and all he does is sit around the house and he sometimes cleans. Whenever I’m over there he’s cleaning. He was never this way before. Like, before, whenever he saw me, it’d be like everything just got 10 times awesomer. But now everything’s going wrong. It’s all because of Russia. Man, I hate that guy so much. He’s not even here, and he’s managing to screw things up between me and Liet. Liet misses him. It’s so wrong. He got a call from Russia the other day. He took it into the bathroom and didn’t come out for like an hour. And when he did I could totally tell he’d been crying.

It’s not fair. I love Liet more than that bastard ever could. It’s so totally unfair.

Anyway, whatever. I have to go.

Laterz!

Feliks

14.11. – Friday. Sicily.

Have been here three days. Want to kill self. Feliciano will not stop bothering me for sex, even though I have told him repeatedly it makes me uncomfortable to do that sort of thing in someone else’s house, when aforementioned other people can hear us.

Not that that seems to be a problem for them. Antonio and Lovino spend most of the evening arguing in their bedroom, which is right across the hall from ours. After a while we hear nothing, and then they start making up in the loudest and most disturbing way possible. It disturbs me more than anything else to know first hand that Feliciano’s brother is a screamer, but it doesn’t seem to be bothering Feliciano at all. He just keeps saying we should be doing the same thing.

And I’m worried about the dogs. I left them in Gilbert’s care, and, given the mood he’s in at the moment, I wouldn’t be surprised if they were dead by now from lack of food or water. It’s a horrible thought, actually. As a matter of fact, I’d be shocked if Gilbert remembered to feed himself these days. I gather the “secret” relationship he was having with Roderich has collapsed. He seems to be upset to the point of literally not caring what happens to him. He mopes around all the time, he never answers my questions with full sentences (which is very annoying!) and he doesn’t want to see any of his friends. He refused to go out to our usual drinks meet-up this week, and Denmark was most disappointed. It’s not like him. He hasn’t used the word “awesome” in days. He’s neglecting Gilbird. Honestly, if I knew Roderich Edelstein was going to cause this much trouble, I would have tried to talk some sense into him myself. The other day I found Gilbert in the garage, throwing darts at Roderich’s picture.

At least no one is really fighting too much. That’s something to be grateful for.

Hold on. I need to get my iPod. Antonio and Lovino are.....well, you understand.

Back. Much better. I’m very glad the conference is soon. It will give Feliciano and I the chance to escape this hell-hole. Although, I’ll be most dismayed if we stay more than two more days, if I’m honest.

All we ever eat here is pasta and tomatoes.

Good day.

Ludwig

Saturday November 15^th , Paris

The mobile phone plan was a fucking disaster. Hungary says they made up almost instantly. Also that they really need to leave their windows shut when they know she’s about. Francis keeps saying we need to unleash our “secret weapon” but I’m really not sure what the bloody hell he’s talking about.

I’m thinking about giving up. Al isn’t interested anymore. And why should he be? I dumped him. I was the dickhead. I was the one who fucked everything up. I just never thought he’d get back with Ivan. After all that happened to them last century, I thought their relationship was buggered for good. And I can’t say I was particularly unhappy about that, if I’m honest. When they broke up in ‘46 it was a damn good day. I won’t bother denying it to you, journal. I did want him, much to my dismay. Still do. Fuck me, I still love him.

Forgive me if I’m a little ratty tonight, journal. I’m out of tea, that blasted frog only drinks wine. I’m staying at his place for the weekend and the nearest shop only sells coffee.

We’ve got something else planned for tomorrow. Francis is pretty much throwing himself to the lions. He’s going to try and get Russia drunk enough that he’ll sleep with him. Francis seems to be offended by my insinuation that Russia needed to be drunk at all to want to sleep with him. I had to carefully remind him that not everyone on the planet wants to have sex with him. He responded to that by trying to grope me. He’s now sporting a lovely black eye.

I have to go, Francis says dinner’s ready.

Until later, then,

Arthur Kirkland.

Sunday November 16^th , Montreal

I’m really worried. Arthur and Francis are planning something, I’m sure of it. Those two have been acting suspiciously for days and I can’t understand why. At the last meeting we all had they spent the whole time passing notes to each other. Let’s just say I’ve certainly never seen Arthur act like a 14-year old schoolgirl before. I have been wondering if something is going on between those two. Francis once told me he and Arthur were together a really long time ago, but that they had a horribly messy break-up.

I’m glad me and Francis’ break-up wasn’t too horrible. It’s nice to still have him as a friend, you know? I sometimes miss talking to him, although he can be a bit perverted sometimes. OK, all the time.

Ukraine and I went to the movies last night. She held my hand in the movie theatre. I’m not sure how I feel about this. I mean, it felt good, but it was weird. I like her a lot, she’s so much fun to have around, and she’s very sweet. She sure talks about her little sister a lot, though. Natalia has been going out with Australia. I don’t think anyone knows yet apart from me and Ukraine. I’m not going to tell anyone, because I don’t think Ukraine would be very happy, and I don’t want Belarus to break my fingers, like she did to Lithuania....

It’s very strange becoming part of their circle. It’s like, I’m Ukraine’s friend, and by extension, I hang with Bela and Russia too. And those two are going out with Al and Australia, and they’re my friends already, and it all comes back around....

I’m rambling. I’m sorry. It’s because when I worry I tend to ramble about things that aren’t that important or don’t make any sense. I do worry. Not just about Francis and Arthur, but about Al too.

Him and Russia are getting serious. I think. I mean, I’m not totally sure, and I don’t want to say something wrong. I was staying with them last night, because I haven’t seen Al in a while, and we wanted to hang out. Anyway, I was going to the bathroom, and I walked past their room, and I couldn’t help but hear what they were saying. Really, I would have walked right past, but the thing is, they said my name.

Alfred said “I don’t want Matt to think we’re fighting again. He already thinks our relationship is unstable enough. He’s worrying about me. I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I can always tell when Matt’s worried.”

And Russia said “Do not worry, my darling, all will be well. Do you want me to speak to him? Reassure him, perhaps?”

And Al said “No, it’s OK. I’ll talk to him. I just want to let him know that it’s not going to end up like last time, with us at each other’s throats for fifty years....”

And Russia said “I know. Matthew is not the only one to hope that does not happen to us again.”

And Al said “You know, despite being such a creeper sometimes, you can be really sweet, you know?”

And then I didn’t hear anyone talking but I heard the bed squeak and I think they were kissing.

It’s weird. Because, you know, they’ve only been going out for like two weeks and a bit. Or something like that. But then again, Alfred does have a bit of a tendency to rush into things. And I think Ivan has kind of still been carrying a torch for Al ever since they broke up. He’s certainly always been colder to Arthur than was strictly necessary. I don’t blame him for being really happy that they’re back together.

Anyway, I hope no one thinks I was deliberately trying to listen in. :(

I have to go, Ukraine’s here. We’re going to dinner. I think I’ll call Francis when I get back. I want to know what’s going on with him and Arthur.

I hope you don’t think I’m being terribly nosy, diary.

Love always.

Matt

Monday November 17^th, Sicily

I am in LOVE with my life! Everything is going so great! OK, so we all had a picnic out in the field the other day, and everyone had such a great time! Lovi especially seemed to be enjoying himself. He wasn’t such a grumpy-guts. He’s usually in such a bad mood, and I can’t understand why!

Tonight me and Lovi are celebrating our 2-year anniversary. I’m so excited! I have the most awesome thing planned for us. Well, you remember when I told you about how me and Lovi got together? We were in the barn, and he was being his usual miserable self, complaining about the tomato harvest being bad that year, and saying how maybe if Feli was there instead of him....you know the story. Anyway, I told him that it would suck a lot if Feli was there instead of him, because then I wouldn’t be able to be with him. And he went as red as a tomato! It was so adorable! And he told me to shut up and stop teasing him, and that I was an asshole and he hated me. And I got upset and said I wished he wouldn’t be so mean to me, and that I was only trying to show him how much I loved him. He thought I was joking! But then I just couldn’t help myself anymore, and I started kissing him. It was so cool! And he started kissing me back, and one thing led to another....

Anyway, tonight, I’ve prepared a really romantic candlelight home-cooked dinner for us in the barn, and I’m really hoping he likes it. I’m a bit nervous, actually. I don’t want Lovi to think I’m being too sentimental or sappy. I’ll even make sure Mr. Turtle stays in his terrarium if Lovi wants. I know he hates it when Mr. Turtle is watching us....

Lovi says he thinks I’m too optimistic. Well, to be honest, anyone’s optimistic compared to him! (except Arthur, ha ha). I say Lovi just can’t believe his luck that he has me as a boyfriend! Well, he’ll just have to get used to the fact that I won’t be leaving him anytime soon.

Must run, it’s time for a siesta!

Antonio

Monday 17.11 Home.

I bet that bastard’s forgotten. It’d be just like him to forget. He’ll come out with some stupid excuse. Not that I care if he forgets. He’s such a jerk sometimes.

Whatever. It’s not like our 2-year anniversary is important or anything. It’s not like we’re some stupid married couple (ew....). Yesterday, we had to go to some fucking awful picnic outside. I hate fun family activities, and picnics especially infuriate me. And that damn potato-bastard was there, feeding grapes to Feli like they were a couple....oh, I forgot, they ARE a couple. It’s disgusting. They act like two dumb teenagers in love anytime they see each other, it’s enough to make me want to retch. It’s bad enough that I have to live with that dumbass Antonio, who acts like that all the time. It makes me sick to my stomach seeing that bastard with his hands on my brother, acting like he CARES about him. As if. He just wants to get into Feli’s pants. Well, good luck with that! I know for a fact those two haven’t slept together yet. The walls here are really thin, we would have heard. I bet he’s begging Feli to have sex, and Feli’s keeping the bastard waiting. Here’s hoping he keeps him waiting forever!

The conference is in four days. At Roderich’s house. Ha, I heard potato-bastard and Feli talking the other night (I was eavesdropping, so sue me) and it sounded like potato-bastard said that his weirdo brother was in love with Roderich Edelstein. Maybe I heard wrong. Whatever. I hope it is true, because Roderich is still with that denizen of the night, that minion of all that is unholy, Elizaveta Hedervary. I caught her the other day, camera in hand, up a tree of all things, trying to take pictures of me and Antonio, um....you know.

Whatever. I’m gonna go. There’s something I need to...take care of in the basement. OK, well, despite the fact that Antonio’s such a jerk and would never have got me anything for our anniversary, I’m proving what a superior boyfriend I am and I went and got him something I found at the beach. It’s a girl turtle, to be a companion for Mr. Turtle. Because I know how much that stupid jerk loves that damn turtle, and I want him to be....well, not happy, per se, but....OK, yeah. Happy.

Later. Gonna go drown myself for being such a goddamn romantic pathetic sap.

Lovino Vargas.

---------------

Date: 17.11

Time: 02:46

Name: Bonnefoy, Francis

Nature of Injury: Broken Nose

Cause of Injury: Patient was a bloody moron.

“Hey, you can’t put that! Fill it out properly, please, mon cher Arthur. I am in a tremendous amount of pain right now, and I would appreciate a little sympathy.”

“Sympathy? You idiot, how could you think I’d be sympathetic after tonight? What did you think Ivan was going to do? Decide you were just too sexy and he couldn’t resist cheating on his boyfriend with you?”

“Well....yes.”

“It doesn’t work like that. I told you that a hundred times, and still you insisted on going through with this fool plan of yours. For a start, I told you Russia handles his alcohol and whole hell of a lot better than anyone else.”

Francis tried to smirk, but any facial movement just pained his poor broken nose even more. “Particularly you, Angleterre.”

“Shut up, you wanker. At least I didn’t think it was a brilliant idea to get myself completely out of my mind pissed and try to molest Ivan Braginsky, of all people. I mean, not that it wasn’t funny to watch you get your nose rearranged for you, but come on! These plans are getting worse and worse by the day!”

Francis thought. Yes. Yes, he must bring out the ultimate weapon. “Arthur. You do know that all of these plans have just been to test the waters, yes?”

“Eh?”

“Surely you realise there is only one thing that even has a shot of working.”

“No. We can’t.”

“We must.”

“It’s not fair. He’s an innocent person. We can’t use him like this. I won’t.”

“Then you shall spend the rest of your miserable life watching the man you love give his whole heart to somebody else. Do you know what that feels like, Arthur? It is the most painful thing it is possible to experience, even more painful that this mere broken nose.”

Arthur felt a slight twinge of sympathy for Francis, coupled with a painful feeling in his chest. He was not sure what had occasioned such a pain, and so he chose to ignore it. “So. Still hung up on Matt, I take it?”

Francis did not answer. He could not lie to Arthur any longer, so he decided that silence was the best answer he could give.

“Don’t worry about it. You’ll find someone else.”

Francis snorted (bad idea). “Would you be receptive if someone gave you that advice, mon ami?”

“Well. I suppose not.”

“So, we are in agreement, yes? We must put this final plan into motion? We can use dear Elizaveta to capture the moment on film. This is guaranteed to work, Arthur.”

Arthur sighed. “I know it is.”

--------------------------------------------------

Tuesday November 18^th, Vienna

It is totally and completely working. Like, I’m super serious. It’s so working! OMG, they’re so stupid, both of them! I should get some sort of award for my insane awesomeness and selflessness in bringing two people who were totally MFEO together.

It shouldn’t be much longer now. I can see it working already. He’s getting more and more mad! It’s actually so funny. Well, it would be if he wasn’t so tormented. I mean, I do love him, and everything, and because it’s such a pure and selfless love, this is why I want to see him happy. It is completely not because of the man sex. Not at all.

Three days til the conference.

I have this feeling....that this conference is where it’s all going to come to a head, the events of the last couple of weeks. After all, we’ve got the whole Alfred-Ivan-Arthur situation to sort out too.

I can’t wait.

Elizaveta

Wednesday, 18^th Nov, London

We sent the letters. I don’t want to do this anymore.

A.K.

 Wednesday 18^th November, 6pm, Moscow

“Liet! Post’s here!” Feliks called out.

Toris gave a weary sigh and heaved himself out of bed. The evening post had arrived. Toris and Feliks had been busy that afternoon, and Toris was not exactly fully clothed. He threw on a robe and pottered downstairs, where Feliks was sifting through the mail.

“One for Eduard, one for Raivis, bill, bill, junk, another one for Raivis, hey, it’s from Stockholm, and isn’t that Peter’s writing? Whatevs. Another for Eduard, and hey! One for Toris.” Feliks smiled brightly and handed over Toris’s letter. It was a small white envelope, and the stamp was from the United States of America.

Toris’ expression obviously faltered as he read the letter. “Are you OK, Liet? Who’s it from?”

“Alfred.” Toris responded immediately. “He was just writing to make sure I was OK. I suppose I’d better write back.”

“OK.” Shrugged Feliks, wondering how such a simple letter could make Toris look that way, but accepting of his boyfriend’s explanation.

“By the way” said Toris, trying to sound as casual as he possibly could. “I have to go out tomorrow, around lunchtime. Just have some shopping to do.”

“Sure!” said Feliks brightly. “Can I come? I love shopping!”

“No.” Said Toris. “Sorry, but you can’t. I’m...I’m buying your birthday gift.”

“Oh!” exclaimed Feliks. “Well, OK then!”

“Let’s go back to bed.”

Toris hastily stuffed the letter in his robe pocket.

My dearest, most precious Toris,

It has been far too long since I have seen your smiling face, my sunflower. I cannot wait until the conference. Would you be so kind as to meet me tomorrow? You know where. We can meet at midday. I thought we might have lunch together.

You can catch me up on everything that has happened since I have been away. I want to know how Eduard and darling Raivis have been getting on without me around. And most importantly, I want to know how you are. It is so lonely here without you. Alfred and I are having a great deal of fun, but it is not the same.

Please meet with me. I will wait for you.

For now, forever,

Yours.

Ivan.

---------------------------

Wednesday, Nov 18^th, New York City

“Oi, Ivan! Mail!”

“Da? Is there anything for me?”

Alfred hopped back on the bed, and snuggled back into Ivan’s chest, pulling himself underneath the bedcovers. “Yep. From Moscow.”

Ivan raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Perhaps it is from one of my subordinates, advising me as to how my house is being run without me. Or perhaps it is from Natalia.” He gave an involuntary shudder.

Ivan deftly opened the letter and read. As soon as he read the signature, he leapt out of bed and turned away from Alfred.

“Forgive me, Alfred. It is private personal correspondence from my boss. I would not want to betray any national secrets. You do not mind?”

“Of course not.” Said Alfred with a soft smile.

Ivan scanned the letter with his quick eyes, his brain moving just as swiftly.

“I apologize, Alfred. I must leave you tomorrow.”

“Why?”

“My boss wants to me meet with him tomorrow morning as a matter of urgency. It is in my mind that he is wanting to discuss the conference. In fact, I should leave now. It will almost be the evening in Moscow by now.”

“OK.” Said Alfred. “When are you coming back?”

“I shall be back by tomorrow evening. We can still leave together for the conference on Friday, do not worry. I shall make sure I am here again with you soon.”

Ivan was already shoving stuff in an overnight bag, only pausing to give Alfred a quick kiss on the forehead before running out the door.

Ivan,

I hope you don’t mind me writing to you like this. I just thought you might be missing home a bit. We miss you. I miss you.

I just thought, maybe, if you’re not too busy, you might want to meet up with me, or something, before the conference? Perhaps we could discuss strategy. I don’t know. I feel silly writing to you like this, but I just thought that maybe you might want to come back and see me us again.

Anyway, I know you’re probably really busy, and you don’t have time for me, but if you did want to have lunch, then I’ll be waiting for you at midday on Thursday in our secret place.

I hope you can make it. But if not, that’s OK too.

Bye for now (and I hope I didn’t bother you with this letter!)

Toris.

-------------------------------------

END CHAPTER

 

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