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hetalia2009-05-21 07:35 am
[FanPlay] Because apparently I can't write normal fanfics
Title: Babysitting
Pairing(s)/Character(s): N.Italy/fem!Germany + Prussia
Rating: PG
Genre: Humor/CRACK
Warnings: CRACK. SO MUCH RANDOM CRACK. Also, fem!Germany is now called Lulu, Feliciano has been shortened to Felix to make it more AMERICAN, and Gilbert is now Gina.
Summary: There's nothing that screams "horrible babysitter" like losing the baby.
(scene opens up to a young man, around 20, sleeping on a couch, snoring loudly. There is a children's book covering his face and a blanket with childish designs covering his upper torso. He is only wearing a shirt and boxers A young woman around the same age as the man enters the door from behind the couch, holding a bag of groceries. She can't see that the man is sleeping)
Lulu: I'm home! (closes door, balancing groceries) Felix? Christopher? (she enters the kitchen, putting the groceries on the table) I bought some stuff for dinner. I'm making spaghetti. (she pauses, straightening up with a scowl) Felix? Are you guys here? (she walks out of the kitchen, confused) Felix? Christopher? (she walks over to the couch, spotting the sleeping man and yelling furiously) FELIX!
Felix: (startled awake, falls off of couch) Uwah! (looks up at the girl from the floor, smiling) Lulu! You're back!
Lulu: (unamused) I've been yelling for you for ten minutes! (pauses, looking down at Felix's legs) ...Where are your pants?
Felix: (looks down) …You know, I can't remember.
Lulu: (shaking her head) I worry about you sometimes. (she looks around, growing quiet) …Where's Christopher?
Felix: What are you talking about, he's right here-- (Felix looks around, realization slowly dawning) Where's Christopher?
Lulu: (panicking) That's MY line! (runs around the couch, grabbing Felix by the shirt) Tell me...where is Christopher?!
Felix: (laughing sheepishly) Well, we were both sitting on the couch...and I was reading a book to him...and then he fell asleep, which made me sleepy. So...I guess...I fell asleep!
Lulu: (drops Felix, astonished) You fell asleep while BABYSITTING?
Felix: (laughing again, more strained this time) Well, you know how sleepy I get around 3 o`clock...I am Italian, and we Italians love our siesta--
Lulu: (interrupts) That's not the point! You lost my sister's BABY!
Felix: I didn't lose him, he lost himself--
Lulu: (interrupts) How could you be so irresponsible! (with more force this time) You lost my sister's baby!
Felix : I said I didn't lose him, he--
Lulu: (ignoring, starting to frantically look through the room) We have to find him before he gets into something! (glares at Felix) Well, don't just lay there, help me!
(Felix gets up, helping Lulu search the room. After a few frantic moments of searching, they come up empty handed. Both of them are now on their hands and knees, searching under the furniture.)
Lulu: (sits back on her knees) Gah, where could he be?
Felix: (happily, still on his hands and knees) He couldn't of gotten far.
Lulu: (throws a shoe that had been sitting on the ground at him) You idiot! We wouldn't be in this mess if you didn't lose the baby you were supposed to be babysitting! (searches again, growing irritated) I can’t even leave the house for five seconds to pick up groceries without you getting into some sort of trouble!
Felix: (genuinely apologetic) I'm sorry, Lulu! I couldn't help myself! This room is just so warm, and it was so quiet and nice before you got back...
Lulu: (glares at Felix) Well, sorry that I ruined your nap! Ugh, I should've never invited you over to help…you're completely useless...
Felix: Hey! I'm not completely useless, just mostly useless--
(The phone rings, interrupting Felix and startling them both. Lulu looks up at the phone on the table next to the door, warily. She gets onto her feet, walking over to the phone and picking it up)
Lulu: Hello? (her eyes widen; turns to Felix, covers the mouthpiece, and whispers) My sister!
(Felix's eyes widen as well. He frowns, getting up and walking over to Lulu to listen)
Lulu: (faking pleasant) Oh, h-hello, Gina. How's your trip going? (pauses, listening to the other woman) Oh wow, that drunk already, huh. It's only three in the afternoon. (listens) I guess you're right.
(Felix starts walking around the room, continuing to look. He starts to look into the drawers of some old dressers in the living room, and pulls out strange things like lingerie and makes faces as Lulu talks on the phone)
Lulu: Uh huh...Hmm...That's interesting. Are you at least having fun?
(Lulu listens to the phone again, and finally notices what Felix is doing. She starts angrily waving him to stop. Felix shoves all the stuff into the drawer and walks back over to Lulu)
Lulu: Well that's good. I'm glad you and the guys are having fun. (listens again, eyes going wide again) W-What? Y-you want to talk to Christopher? (Lulu turns away from Felix, panicking) W-well, uh, I don't think that'll be possible right now. (listens) W-why? Well, because--
Felix: Bark! Bark bark! Uh, bow-wow, bark bark! Meow! Meow meow! Moo~!
(Felix starts to make animal sounds loudly and horribly. Lulu starts at him, trying to shh him silently, while holding her hand over the mouthpiece. Unable to get him to stop, she knocks Felix to the ground, sitting on his back and putting him in a headlock, He starts to squirm, tugging at Lulu's arms, but soon gives up, just holding himself up by her arms to breath.)
Lulu: (puts the phone back to her ear, breathless) H-huh? What'd you say? (listens) No, that wasn't anything-- (listens, then sighs) Yes, Felix is here. (listens, glaring down at Felix) Yeah, tell me about it.
(Lulu drops Felix from his headlock, and his head hits the floor. He just lies there while she still sits on his back)
Lulu: Uh, as I was saying, you can't talk to Christopher right now. He's sleeping. (listens) Yeah, such a shame. So, when are you planning on being back? (listens, eyes widening) But I thought-- (listens) Oh, well, okay...I guess I'll see you then. (listens again, getting off of Felix and walking over to the phone holster) Okay, bye. (hangs up the phone, then glares at Felix) What the heck was that?
Felix: (smiles sheepishly) I was just trying to help.
Lulu: (glares)How? By making her think we took Christopher to the zoo?
Felix: (shrugs)
Lulu: (sighs then bites her thumb, looking worried)
Felix: (stands up, rubbing back with a wince) What's the problem?
Lulu: Gina... (turns to Felix) She's coming back today.
Felix: Today? But I thought she was going to be gone the whole week!
Lulu: (bits thumb again) Yeah, me too, but she's already on her way home from the airport...apparently Antonio didn't take so well to the food there... (she pauses, then walks up to Felix) Felix, what are we going to do? There's been no head nor tail of Christopher anywhere!
(both of them are silent for a moment)
Felix: (glances at Lulu) You...wanna make out?
Lulu: (back turned to Felix) Sure.
Felix: (surprised and excited) R-Really?
Lulu: (hits him on the head, embarrassed and blushing) No, you idiot! Stop saying stupid things! We have to find Christopher!
Felix: (rubs his head, pouting) Aw, but can’t we make out just a little?
Lulu: NO! (walks away from Felix, looking around the living room again)
Felix: (still pouting, following Lulu around the room)You’ve been ignoring me the whole time you’ve been babysitting!
Lulu: (flashes him a glare, still blushing) I don’t have enough patience to baby-sit TWO babies. (continues looking) Now, please help me before Gina get’s back!
Felix: (grins) Only if you give me a kiss.
Lulu: (pauses with mouth agape, stunned) …W-What? No! (starts to act like she’s searching again, but is really walking away from Felix quickly as he follows her around the room) Why wont you drop it?
Felix: (still follows Lulu as she begins to walk faster, voice becoming sing-songy) Give me a kiss and I’ll help~
Lulu: (is now running from Felix, not even trying to look anymore) No, you moron! I have to find Christopher before Gina gets back!
Felix: (smiling idiotically) Just one kiss! Come on!
(they start running around the couch, until one of them is each of them are on opposite sides. Lulu tries to feign right then run left, but Felix follows her movements until they are at a stalemate, staring at each other from across the couch)
Lulu: (exasperated and embarrassed) Why wont you just let it go!
Felix: (pouting again) Because we never get to be alone and you never show me any affection!
Lulu: You idiot! We’re supposed to be babysitting Christopher, not fooling around!
Felix: (pouting) It’s not like he’s a real person, anyways!
Lulu: (shocked) Felix, how could you say something like that, you--
(they both freeze, hearing the sound of a car outside)
Lulu: (panicked) Oh, no! Gina’s already home! (she runs to the door, peering out the window) Oh, what are we going to do?
(They both scramble aimlessly around the for a few moments, Lulu making a last attempt at a search, with Felix searching as well for a few moments, then running out of the room. Gina walks in the room as Felix runs out, carrying in luggage)
Gina: Luu! I’m home!
Lulu: (turns to face Gina, a strained smile on her face) G-Gina! Back so soon?
Gina: (drops her bags on the floor, grinning) Yup! Like I said, Antonio just couldn’t handle the food up there, so we decided to come back. (looks around the room) Hey, I thought you said Felix was here?
Lulu: N-no, he just left.
Gina: (smirks) Aw, got bored with making out?
Lulu: (embarrassed, blushing) N-no! We weren’t making out! I just--
Gina: (interrupts her with a wave, walking over to the couch and sitting down) Yeah, yeah, say whatever makes you feel better. (She pauses, looking around the room) Where’s my baby at?
Lulu: (hesitating, looking away from Gina) W-Well, actually Gina…(pauses, then starts to speak in a rush) I’m sorry, I kind of lost--
Felix: (yelling from the other room) I found my pants!
(Felix runs into the room, holding a bundle. Nestled in his pants is a sleeping puppy)
Gina: (jumps up from the couch, taking the puppy out of the bundle) My baby! My little Christopher!
(Gina walks out of the room, talking to the dog. Felix puts his pants back on as Lulu walks over to him, smiling)
Lulu: I can’t believe you managed to find him.
Felix: (smiles back, zipping up his pants) The little thing was hiding under Gina’s bed. He must of dragged of my pants when I was sleeping to use as a blanket.
Lulu: (shakes her head, but still smiles) That doesn’t explain why you took off your pants in the first place.
Felix: (shrugs with a smile) It was comfortable. (pauses) So…Was I helpful? Not useless?
Lulu: (laughs) Yes, you were helpful. I’m glad you were here.
Felix: So… (pauses, before smirking at Lulu) Does that mean we can make out now?
Lulu: (hits him on the head again, but still has the slightest smile on her lips) No.
Felix: (pouts) Aww…
Lulu: (looks at his pout before sighing) But… (leans in, giving him a peck on the check) …Thanks.
Felix: (smiles hugely) Yahoo! (starts to approach Lulu slowly, making Lulu back up warily)
Lulu: (nervously) H-hey…what’s that look for… (Felix continues his approach, smirking) …Ack, get away!
(Felix chases Lulu out of the room, laughing as she yells in protest)
LAME ENDNG IS LAME. But, I didn't know what else to do, so...Jeez, I really need to write some normal fanfiction...Also, Prussia has a dog now. Because a dog stealing your pants makes more sense than a bird stealing your pants. 8D
brb laughing
rofl so much crack! XDDDDDDDDDD
Re: brb laughing
Re: brb laughing
Horrah for crack! 8D
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