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hetalia2011-12-27 03:20 am
clover-elf-kin.livejournal.com) wrote in hetalia2011-12-27 03:20 am
Entry tags:
[fic] Oh, Maple
Title: Oh, Maple
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
clover_elf_kin
Genre: Romance, Humor
Pairing: US/Canada
Rating: R?
Summary: America is informed that not everything that comes out of a bottle can be used as lube.
Notes:Thank Blame ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
fanficrants.
Canada had been just about to turn out his light and go to sleep when the phone rang; he glanced at the caller ID and winced when he saw it was America on the line. Did something happen?? I know he’s on the East Coast right now, so it’s even later on his end… he flipped the phone open and blurted, “Hello?”
America drawled in response, sounding perfectly all right, “What are you wearing?”
“…” Or maybe he was just bored and wanted some conversation. “My pajamas.”
“Are they sexy pajamas?”
“Ummm… not really.”
America groaned. “Come on! I can’t actually see you, make something up.”
“Okay…” Canada thought for a second. “It’s not too cold right now,” he finally lied. “So, just briefs… those red silk ones I have.” Actually, what he really had on was grey thermal underwear, but never mind that.
“Mmm,” America murmured appreciatively. “Nothing else?”
“Nope.” Canada wasn’t that new at phone sex; the less he said he was wearing, the better.
“Awesome. I, meanwhile, am over in sunny Florida tonight… and so I’m not wearing a stitch. You know what I’d do if I were there with you?”
Wishing they were together, regardless of location, Canada asked in response, “You want to do a little role-playing?”
He could hear his lover smiling. “Sounds good to me. So… you’re lying on your bed, just wearing that red silk underwear.”
“Mm-hmm,” Canada agreed, letting his free hand move down to his waistband.
“I take them off you, exposing that pale but still so sexy body.”
“Mmm…”
“I take out a nice, heated bottle of maple syrup…”
Canada smiled; he liked where this was going. Licking syrup off your lover was messy, but oh so delicious.
“…and pour it into my hands, then rub it onto my cock…”
“Oh, yes,” Canada murmured.
“…position myself at your entrance…”
He burst out laughing.
“What?!” America sounded mortally offended.
It was a minute before Canada could compose himself enough to talk. “You’d try to use maple syrup as lube?!” he wheezed between bouts of laughter.
“So?!”
“America, maple syrup is sticky, remember?!” Oh, this was too rich… Canada collapsed backwards onto his bed, still snickering. “That’s not what you want in lubricant!”
“…oh. Uh, anyway, where were we?”
“You were trying to give me a yeast infection,” he giggled.
“I was not!”
…Try as he might, the mood was definitely lost after that.
Author:
clover_elf_kinGenre: Romance, Humor
Pairing: US/Canada
Rating: R?
Summary: America is informed that not everything that comes out of a bottle can be used as lube.
Notes:
fanficrants.Canada had been just about to turn out his light and go to sleep when the phone rang; he glanced at the caller ID and winced when he saw it was America on the line. Did something happen?? I know he’s on the East Coast right now, so it’s even later on his end… he flipped the phone open and blurted, “Hello?”
America drawled in response, sounding perfectly all right, “What are you wearing?”
“…” Or maybe he was just bored and wanted some conversation. “My pajamas.”
“Are they sexy pajamas?”
“Ummm… not really.”
America groaned. “Come on! I can’t actually see you, make something up.”
“Okay…” Canada thought for a second. “It’s not too cold right now,” he finally lied. “So, just briefs… those red silk ones I have.” Actually, what he really had on was grey thermal underwear, but never mind that.
“Mmm,” America murmured appreciatively. “Nothing else?”
“Nope.” Canada wasn’t that new at phone sex; the less he said he was wearing, the better.
“Awesome. I, meanwhile, am over in sunny Florida tonight… and so I’m not wearing a stitch. You know what I’d do if I were there with you?”
Wishing they were together, regardless of location, Canada asked in response, “You want to do a little role-playing?”
He could hear his lover smiling. “Sounds good to me. So… you’re lying on your bed, just wearing that red silk underwear.”
“Mm-hmm,” Canada agreed, letting his free hand move down to his waistband.
“I take them off you, exposing that pale but still so sexy body.”
“Mmm…”
“I take out a nice, heated bottle of maple syrup…”
Canada smiled; he liked where this was going. Licking syrup off your lover was messy, but oh so delicious.
“…and pour it into my hands, then rub it onto my cock…”
“Oh, yes,” Canada murmured.
“…position myself at your entrance…”
He burst out laughing.
“What?!” America sounded mortally offended.
It was a minute before Canada could compose himself enough to talk. “You’d try to use maple syrup as lube?!” he wheezed between bouts of laughter.
“So?!”
“America, maple syrup is sticky, remember?!” Oh, this was too rich… Canada collapsed backwards onto his bed, still snickering. “That’s not what you want in lubricant!”
“…oh. Uh, anyway, where were we?”
“You were trying to give me a yeast infection,” he giggled.
“I was not!”
…Try as he might, the mood was definitely lost after that.
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I think my favourite bad-lube was another intentional case where two characters were shagging in a hospital bed and grabbed what they thought was surgical gel, then looked at the tube too late; "What's Dermabond- FUCK!"
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And as mentioned on FFR, Canada might actually know maple syrup is NOT an acceptable substitute for lubricant from having tried it... hopefully it would have been a solo experience, which sounds a lot less painful than what America wanted to do!
Now I just have to wonder what France used for lube WAY back when... lucky for him, Wiki seems to assure that olive oil has been around for far longer than he has.
Gods, I love how this series makes for pretty much literally endless fanfic fodder. XD
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I'm glad to hear my characterization is good; I've actually never written Canada before. Or anyone but America and England, for that matter. ^^ Plus I usually suck at humor, but there's something about this cast that makes it easy.
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Playful couples ARE fun, aren't they? Especially when one of them is akin to an overeager puppy. XD
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Definitely does. I NEVER find kinkmeme requests I can fill and
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